Hallo Readers,
Groucho Marx remarked that he would not wish to join any club that would have him as a member. But in the case of the Garrick Club in the heart of London’s Theatreland, it does not want to take anyone as a member who happens to be female. Which is half the population. The Garrick is a club for chaps and you have to have a dick to be eligible to join it, giving a whole new meaning to the words private members’ club. It is stuffed to the gills with the rich, famous and powerful – members of parliament, government ministers, law lords, judges, KCs, civil servants, journalists, authors and more actors than you can shake a stick at. Even though the majority of members are apparently in favour of letting ladies join, the rules can only be changed by a 2/3 majority and they don’t have it. They have now received the opinion of two of m’ Learned Friends (both of course male) that the rules are not in fact an impediment to admitting females, but those opinions have not been circulated and WTF suspects that the views expressed to the management committee were as welcome as a turd in a punchbowl .
The Guardian has gone to town on the story all week, which has not just got legs but has proved to be a veritable centipede. The splendid Amelia Gentleman managed to get hold of the list of members which disclosed that everybody who is anybody is in there, quaffing fine wine and putting the world to rights. King Charles is a member, as is the Deputy Prime Minister. The Head of the civil service and the Head of MI 5 were members up until the time their names were made public this week, but they have since resigned.
Now look. An all-male club or, for that matter, an all-female club, is not in breach of the Equality Act 2010, which permits associations comprising one protected characteristic (in this case, sex) to get together and let it all hang out in like company. The protests against the Garrick are not based on the loss of an opportunity to share a sherry with Jacob Rees-Mogg. Any sane person, as WTF’s late father used to remark, would rather dip their head in a bucket of shit. The complaint is that in excluding women from places where the top people in their various fields can hobnob with each other, alliances are formed and influence gained, which women simply cannot penetrate and they are left behind in progressing their careers. In the case of lawyers, there is something particularly distasteful about barristers and judges holding forth in court about discrimination while simultaneously forking out thousands of pounds every year to congregate in a place from which – albeit lawfully – women are excluded. So forget all that guff about political correctness gone mad and why can’t chaps just get together and have a nice time? Because this is about more than claret and steak and kidney pie. This is about perpetuating inequality.
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We start our review of the week’s woeful wear at the NAACP Image Awards in Los Angeles with actor Nathalie Emmanuel wearing Alberta Ferretti.
Hate the nose ring. Hate the hair. The dress is the same colour as she is, which makes her look like Caspar the Friendly Ghost. Only Caspar did not wear a crotch curtain. Or, indeed, anything.
Next up, we are at GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Gala 2024 also in Los Angeles, where we meet singer JoJo Siwa wearing something frightful.
Yurgle. She looks like Little John, Robin Hood’s sidekick, ready to knock the Bejasus out of anyone, particularly anyone wearing the colours of the Sheriff of Nottingham. It is unclear to WTF whether JoJo is wearing trousers or leggings, but whatever they are, they are an affront to the eyeballs. And Little John’s boots are much nicer than hers.
Also present was actor Michaela Jaé Rodriguez wearing Gaurav Gupta Couture.
Michaela transitioned some years ago and clearly obtained those tits en route, the equivalent of going from nought to 100 mph. WTF is very tired of saying this but here we go again – tits are not circular. The North Circular Road is circular. A football is circular. The things attached to her chest are not actually tits and seem set to be the runaway winner of the Grant and Phil Mitchell Bald Heads Award 2024. As for the dress…..ouch! Ouch! And thrice ouch! The bodice is digging into her chest like a pneumatic drill – you can see how red they are. One can only hope that a lorry-load of soothing balms and ointments was parked outside the auditorium with several paramedics ready to apply them at the end of the festivities.
And the last one from GLAAD, actor Chloe Bailey in Pressiat Couture.
There is a lot going on here, what with leather and fur and bushy plaits and fuck-me mules, but what is NOT going on is something covering her arse. The dress has its own built-in ventilation system, keeping her bum cheeks cool and giving appalled onlookers sight of more than they need to see. It is like a mesh opening over a cave entrance. Pot holders beware…..
Now to the South by SouthWest Music (SXSW) Festival in Austin, Texas and singer/actor Rachel Zegler (Maria in Spielberg’s remake of West Side Story) wearing Viktor & Rolf Haute Couture.
Haute Couture??? Viktor & Rolf are taking the piss. She looks like an extra from The Flintstones.
Here is a newcomer to these pages, Italian actor Benedetta Porcaroli attending the world premiere of “Immaculate”. She is wearing Prada.
This is insanity made flesh. Nothing fits, not even at all. There also seems to be an abundance of belts. If Dwayne the Rock Johnson went to a fancy dress party as a Hawaiian dancer, this is what he would look like.
And finally, it is time to check back on blog staples rapper Kanye West and his fragrant wifey, bitsflasher Bianca Censori, out and about in Los Angeles.
Yes, that is a plastic strap not quite holding up her generous embonpoint in what is basically a pair of tights and a matching singlet. As WTF is wont to say, if you have to hold your bag over your minge, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it. Not that it is technically an outfit. And of course there are the mandatory arsecheeks…..
Look, WTF is known for the sweetness of her disposition, but enough already. Bianca has a BA and an MA in architecture from Melbourne University, the alma mater of WTF aficionados, Jan and Keith, who still reside in that lovely city. But Bianca seems to have nothing to do but to show us her all. Tonight’s Daily Mail, which is written by morons, tells us that Bianca’s dad is fed up and has summonsed the young sort-of-marrieds to Australia after his wife returned from a visit to California where her daughter flashed everything there was to flash, even when meeting Mummy at the airport. The story continues ‘Bianca’s father is said to have been disappointed by [his wife’s] inability to help her daughter see through Kanye’s influence…” See-through is the mot-juste….
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley. Ben has the misfortune to travel into the City of London several times a week where he plies his trade and he is finding the process being crowded into a train carriage very stressful. He writes ‘I’ll tell you right now what’s got to go. Overly fragranced people on any form of public transport’.
He continues….’And the ***** who douse themselves in the stuff always have the most appalling taste in perfume and colognes’. He’s right. It’s Got to Go…
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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x