Hallo Readers,
It is bad enough when people say something bad. It is much, much worse when they, or other people on their behalf, try to explain away what they meant when you know perfectly well what they meant because you are a sentient human being with ears and a brain. But politicians still persist in the hope of getting away with it until they get the memo saying that the previous interpretation is no longer operative and actually that the bollocks they were spouting, on instructions, which they knew to be bollocks, and which everyone listening to them knew to be bollocks, and which they knew they knew to be bollocks, actually was bollocks and the interpretation that everyone had properly understood at the time was the right interpretation after all. Only the hapless politicians had to go on TV and radio and pretend it was not. Do not say theydo not earn their pay packet.
One would have thought that the Tories had learnt their lesson by now. After all, it was only a few weeks ago that 30p Lee Anderson said something Islamophobic and lost the Tory whip. Bigwigs various were wheeled out to deny that it was not Islamophobic, even though it obviously was. But the bigwigs various had to say that it was not Islamophobic because former Home Secretary Suella Braverman had said something even worse than 30p Lee and no action had been taken against her because she had powerful allies in the Party and he did not. Then the Government changed tack and admitted that Anderson had been Islamophobic after all, making those denying it look even stupider than we already knew them to be. This week, they were at it again. A person of whom no one previously had ever heard, Frank Hester, who over the last few years has handed the Tories £10m, (from the masses of millions which they had handed him in Government contracts), was alleged to have said of Britain’s first black woman MP, Diane Abbott, that when he looked at her, it made him “want to hate all black women” and that “she should be shot”. You do not have to have a Ph.D in discrimination law to know that this is both racist and misogynist, not to mention downright psychopathic. But the last thing the Tories need in an election year is to hand back £10m and forego the pleasure of more millions to come. So the initial instruction from 10 Downing Street to Ministers on the daily kamikaze round of media interviews was that they should say it was not racist because, er, he had been on holiday to the Caribbean and was an international businessman. Indeed, one Minister suggested that everyone should “move on”. When this failed to gain any traction, the Government then admitted that yes, of course it was racist but that did not mean that Hester was racist and anyway he had apologised, which he had not. He had apologised for “being rude” which is like Hitler invading Poland and apologising for trampling through someone’s garden. And so, once again, a few Ministers had disgraced themselves for no good reason and the nerds at no 10 proved themselves to be every bit as pathetic as we had all already believed. Please. Just call the bloody election and let us all – thankfully – “move on.”
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This week we are at the Oscars, both at the Red Carpet for the ceremony and then at the parties. And then on to the Oscars stage itself. We start our review of the ceremonial clobber with Molly Sims wearing Georges Chakra.
What is going on with those tits? They are as flat as a couple of ham baps. WTF is going to go out on a limb and hazard a guess that there has been some interference with the workings of nature. And why is she wearing a Mayoral chain like Dick Whittington? All she needs is a cat.
Erika Alexander (the excellent American Fiction) wearing Giambattista Valli.
This is a very ugly dress and those nasty nylon-looking frills resemble the cheap DIY ribbons you put on chairs at weddings to tart them up.
Emily Blunt (Oppenheimer) wearing Schiaparelli.
First of all, what is this new craze for elevated shoulder straps, which appear to be as much use as tits on a fish? And second, why has she got diamanté Y-fronts over her minge, like a refined version of A Clockwork Orange? #Baffled.
Ariana Grande wearing Giambattisa Valli.
WTF really liked this dress until WTF Aficionado Hannah from Herne Hill (yes, really) pointed out that it looked like a cock and balls. After which, try as she may, WTF could not unsee it. And no, you are not getting a picture.
Cynthia Erivo wearing Louis Vuitton.
Yes, it is beautifully made and the leather is obviously buttery-soft. But she still looks like a bottle-green dinosaur. Who knows what kind? Go and ask a little kiddie, they are all amateur – but expert -palaeontologists.
Dwayne “The Rock “Johnson wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
Oh, this is terrible. Truly terrible. Satin is never a good idea on the Red Carpet, especially when straining over massive musculature, and this is why. He looks like a dead fish which has has its throat cut….
Beatrice Grannò (from The White Lotus 2) wearing Armani Privé at Elton John’s Academy Party.
More silver. Not only is it putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment, but it is also eerily reminiscent of a dissected butterfly.
Here we are at the Vanity Fair Party. Many attend the Red Carpet and then change and come on afterwards, while others will never get near an Oscars Red Carpet but come anyway. This is one who made both the actual Red Carpet and the Party, Andrea Riseborough, wearing Jeremy Scott.
There was a lot of criticism of Andrea’s Loewe Red Carpet dress, but WTF liked it. This, however, is a different story. It is very silly, making Andrea appear to be standing inside a giant hair-grip. 
Diane Kruger wearing Givenchy.
Why is she invited everywhere? She has not made a decent film in years. If a beaded fly screen went to a fancy dress party as a granny in knee socks and shawl, this is what it would look like.
Margot Robbie wearing vintage Mugler.
Margot looked lovely on the Red Carpet in shimmery Dolce & Gabbana black, but clearly felt the need to tell us that SHE REALLY DOES NOT MIND AT ALL THAT SHE DID NOT GET A NOMINATION FOR BEST ACTRESS. This is the showbiz equivalent of when a woman is dumped by her faithless partner for a younger model and then turns up wearing next to nothing in the Daily Mail‘s Sidebar of Shame, whose readers are told that she is showing him (the faithless ex) what he is missing. In Margot’s case (i) she did not deserve a nomination compared to Carey Mulligan (Maestro), Lily Gladstone (Killers of the Flower Moon), Emma Stone (Pretty Things), Annette Bening (Nyad) and Sandra Hüller (Anatomy of a Fall) and (ii) she has a minge fringe and (iii) this is horribly unflattering, even on her, like something in a Western movie where the tired and hungry cowboy walks into a saloon after wiping out a dozen outlaws and is in need of a beer and a bunk-up.
Emily Ratajowski wearing Jacquemus.
Emily seems to exist for two purposes only, namely being photographed walking her dog in New York City or flashing her bits for no good reason. Like here….
The alleged dress is designed with a built-in tit-shield, only it does not shield them, not even at all. Put them away, love, for Gawd’s sake.
These are all very bad but the worst is yet to come……
Although he is not really wearing any clothes at all. Here is John Cena (Argylle, panned as one of the worst films ever in the history of ever) wearing Birkenstocks and er….the results envelope for Best Costume Design. Careful now.
Well, at least he is getting value from his gym membership. But why is he giving us The Full Monty?
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is on the warpath about those stupid cycle rickshaws plying their trade in London’s West End. You know the ones….brightly lit and blaring out ABBA at top volume.
WTF hates them, almost above all things. They take up space in the road. They’re noisy as hell. They’re hideous. They’ve Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x