Hallo Readers,

The day after little Ed Miliband got trounced at the General Election, he stepped down as Leader of the Labour Party and the race for his successor was on. The main contenders were Yvette Cooper with the short hair and disapproving expression of a schoolteacher facing a classroom full of indolent thickies; Andy Burnham with eyelashes like a pantomime horse; and bouncy-haired Liz Kendall of whom no one had ever heard and whose policies seemed somewhat to the right of David Cameron’s. All of them sought to distance themselves from the very policies they had espoused only days earlier when campaigning for a Labour Government. Then Jeremy Corbyn, a bearded lefty  backbencher straight out of central casting, entered the fray and since then it has all gone tits up for the other three. 

Corbyn wears a vest (that is an undershirt to you US Readers) and belongs to the All-Party Parliamentary Cheese group. WTF would like to know what they do at the Cheese Group? Do they sit around discussing the respective merits of Stinking Bishop and Shropshire Blue (or in Jeremy’s case, Red Leicester?). He is a veteran left winger who differs from his rivals in one very important aspect. He has policies he actually believes in. And what is more, they are the same policies he has always had.  He is an unashamed socialist. He believes in re-nationalising the railways (so does WTF) and the Post Office (so does WTF) and the utility companies (so does WTF), things we used to own until they got flogged off in a garage sale to hedge funds and mates of George Osborne. He is against Trident (so is WTF). He is against the absurd vanity project that is HS2, a high speed railway that will decimate beautiful British countryside (so is WTF). He is sceptical about remaining a member of the EU (so is WTF). He does not want to spend time inserting his head into the back bottom of media tycoons and business magnates. He always opposed the Iraq War, student tuition fees and the Tory Government’s new Welfare Bill. This is all good stuff. He does seem to have been keeping company with some dodgy Holocaust deniers but WTF does not believe that he is an anti-semite. However, whether the country will ever vote for him is another question altogether. WTF does not believe they will and he has yet to explain how all his plans for the NHS and Housing and Education and other largesse are to be funded.

Burnham, Cooper and Kendall are now fighting amongst themselves like bald men bickering over a comb. And a comb has more teeth than any of them. Each is attacking the others for not stepping down. Cooper is playing the is-it-because-I’m-a-woman card? (Answer – no). Burnham is blaming Cooper for getting in his way as Leader. Kendall is claiming conspiracies. But the plain fact is that none of them is inspirational or impressive, just career politicians without any discernible personality or conviction.  If you want Tory-lite, you might as well vote Tory. Without Scotland the Labour Party can never win another election and Scotland has slipped away from Labour completely, probably never to return. Perhaps if you are going to be condemned to a long period in opposition, you might as well have someone who actually will oppose. But either way, the future seems bleak if you are not a Tory or Scottish Nationalist…..

To the fashion debacles of the week starting with Liverpool footballer Fabio Borini on his wedding day to Erin O’Neill.

Erin is a bit over-embellished over the tits for WTF’s taste but her main concern is for Fabio who looks like a pillock with that ridiculous hair, shiny aubergine 3-piece suit and silly barmitzvah-boy bowtie.

Now we have Orange Is The New Black’s Taylor Schilling out and about in Amsterdam wearing a Vatanika shirt, 3.1 Philip Lim shorts and Giuseppe Zanotti sandals. The sandals cost £1147.

Love her. Hate the hair. Hate the sheer bra-flashing shirt with unnecessary keyhole. Hate the sandals like snakes nestling on her insteps. She has terrific legs but nothing can save this outfit.

Next we meet Oscar-winning actor Christian Bale at LA Airport (seen here with his young daughter) wearing something picked out of a skip.

After World War 2, Japanese soldiers disappeared into the forests in Borneo and such in order to avoid capture and emerged 30 years later blinking in the sunshine to discover that in the meantime they’d gone and invented the Internet and colour TV. Christian looks like he has been in hiding for a similar period without access to washing and shaving facilities and that fishing hat is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

Here we have Australian model and lifestyle guru Lindy Klim wearing Toni Maticevski.

 WTF can say with confidence that this is one of the silliest things she has ever seen in the history of ever. It is as if a giant bridal veil has just floated randomly past and attached itself to Lindy’s chest. Bonkers.  Someone has also overdone it on the rouge….

This is Oscar nominee Hailee Steinfeld wearing Miu Miu.

When WTF was young, no one stepped out anywhere dressed in plastic traffic netting, not even road workers. But in the second decade of the 21st century it is positively de rigeur. First we had aspiring actress Joy Villa at the Grammys wearing an André Soriano dress made out of the original orange netting and now we have Hailee wearing a purple Miu Miu version. And it’s still shit.

To the Teen Choice Awards and rapper Flo Rida.

This outfit is nobody’s choice. Without trying to bring the tone down to a level even lower than the usual vulgarity of this blog, the red running down his inside leg and onto the silk trainers seems like a transgender version of the phenomenon known as “free bleeding”. Whatever it is, it is unpleasant. Just go away.

Finally, also in attendance at the Awards was singer Britney Spears wearing Mikael D.

Oh dear. Tinkerbell goes on the game. And that hair! Those cheese-slicer sandals! Just terribly, terribly terrible. Time for Mikael D to consider a new line of work. Like street sweeping.Meanwhile what has happened to Britney’s face? There is more than a suspicion that there has been some interference with the workings of nature….

This week’s It’s Got To was suggested by WTF aficionado Mark from Romford who takes great exception to crocheted clothing. In fact, Mark even sent WTF a picture to illustrate his displeasure.

Mark has 2 main objections, both of them valid. First, he does not want to see what lies beneath the crochet on either men or women. And second, crochet is just ugly. WTF would add that it is also often either lumpy or silly or both. Like here…. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in. When they dry up WTF goes all moody and pisses off her nearest and dearest by sulking and looking anxious. And do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

If you go into one of 72 Côte Restaurants across the UK and feast upon Steak Frites or Tuna Niçoise and a glass or two of wine, you will find that a service charge of 12.5% is automatically added to the bill. Ask the waiters whether they actually receive the money and they will tell you that they do. Except that they don’t – Côte takes it all. And the reason the staff will tell you that they keep the tips is that Côte instructs them to tell you that. The company’s explanation is that the service charge allows Côte to pay staff above the minimum wage (currently at £6 50 for those over 21). Côte ever-so-generously pays its waiting staff £7 50 – £8 an hour although this falls well short of the (optional) London Living Wage of £9 15. Readers are urged not to lie awake worrying about Côte – last year its profits increased 27% to a tasty £16.3m. This practice is not unique. After the London Evening Standard broke the story, similar allegations were made against another restaurant chain (ironically called Bill’s) although that company has denied them. Elsewhere in the gastronomic jungle where the big corporations snack upon the little people who make their money for them, the restaurant chain operating pizza joints Zizzi and Ask Italia reclaims 8% from staff to cover the “administration fees” for credit card tips. So does Pizza Express with its 430 restaurants. Café Rouge, Strada, Prezzo and Giraffe reclaim 10%. Last year Café Rouge and its sister eateries Belgo and Bella Italia made a profit of £33.3m. So here’s a tip from WTF. Give these places their just desserts and boycott them until they change their policy. And well done eateries like Carluccio’s, Garfunkel’s, Wagamama and Gourmet Burger Kitchen that allow staff to keep 100% of the tips which were supposed to be for them anyway.

WTF’s beef about the Côte story is the way in which the company appeared to congratulate itself on paying more than the minimum wage and she is also cheesed off at its instruction to staff to mislead paying punters about the tips policy. Even George Osborne is about to raise the minimum wage by imposing a mandatory “Living Wage” (albeit that he will take money off the recipients in other ways) and Business Secretary, super-smoothie Sajid Javid, says Côte’s conduct takes the biscuit and that “this One Nation Government” (pause to vomit in mouth) will stop the practice. Listening to Côte’s PR machine, you would think that it was a philanthropic organisation in the manner of the late Joseph Rowntree rather than a purveyor of faux-French brasserie food ripping off employees and customers alike. The current owner, CBPE Capital, bought the chain two years ago and was hoping to flog it later this year for £200m. Now that the Côte name is as pungent as a Poulet Breton past its sell-by date, that figure may now be regarded as somewhat over-ambitious. Shamies…..

We start our review of the week’s fashion faeces with actress Eva Longoria wearing David Koma.

This is awful. It has an illusion sleeve as worn by ice skaters and gymnasts. It also has peekaboo panels and WTF deplores the impression that someone rode a muddy bicycle over Eva whilst she was napping in the park.

Meet Australian Home and Away soap actress Ada Nicodemou wearing Carla Zampatti.

The fuchsia silk is positively migraine-inducing (although in fairness to Ada, she opts for that shade of pink to match the Priceline Pharmacy logo as she is their “Ambassador”) and there is something very vaginal about the front seam on her trousers. And what are those the waist flaps? They are like Dumbo’s ears.

This is actress and singer Zendaya wearing the stupidest pair of jeans ever in the history of ever.

These jeans are not so much distressed as hysterical. Were they savaged on the washing line by pack of crows? Also, whilst WTF does not wish to intrude into personal matters, Zendaya’s knees seem a bit battered. What can she have been up to?

Here are top barrister Amal Clooney wearing Vionnet and her husband George Clooney wearing terrible jeans. They are in Ibiza to flog George’s new Tequila line. 

Amal! No! NO! You used to be known for your brains and for your beauty. Now you are more made-up than Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard and simultaneously both overdressed and underdressed in gauzy gold gift wrap with your white undies showing. As for George, those jeans have got to go. And those Hush Puppies. Why is she dressed as a Christmas tree decoration and he looks like he’s popping out for a pint of milk?

This is a newcomer to these pages, young actor Shiloh Fernandez at the première of his new movie We are Your Friends wearing a GANT Rugger suit.

As you know, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature but Shiloh looks like a sack of shit. There is the terrible jacket like a school prefect’s blazer, the scruffy shirt with the collar at right angles to his shoulders, the crappy tie and the Charlie Chaplin trousers. But those shoes! Those shoes are amongst the worst items of male footwear ever encountered. It is as though they were freshly retrieved from a cement mixer. Whoever put Shiloh into this abomination of an outfit is not his friend. Not even at all.

And now we have former glamour model, now bodybuilder and reality star Jodie Marsh on her wedding day in Florida. She is wearing a “custom-made” jumpsuit by Pink Strawberry.

WTF tried to recall when she saw anything more terrible and then gave up. As far as she can see, Jodie is wearing a giant nappy-cum-onesie cut away to reveal arse cleavage and a collection of hideous tattoos. The front view is also bad, displaying a large amount of fake tittage.

Should you and your senses have parted company, you can buy this item of clothing for £38 50. And you will still have overpaid. Let us hope that the marriage lasts longer than Jodie’s first effort which collapsed after only three months.

Finally, we have WTF regular Sharon Stone wearing Traver Rains.

Last week we had Britney Spears looking like Tinkerbell on the game and this week we have Sharon in a shower curtain looking like Tinkerbell’s mum. Sharon – it is time to put your nipples away. Quite apart from anything else, everyone has seen them. Furthermore WTF doubts that fairies even have nipples let alone that they fly about flashing them in public.

This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested by WTF aficionado Holly from London who is up in arms about the awfulness of middle-aged men who wear their thinning hair in a ratty little ponytail, made even worse by the aforesaid ratty little ponytail nestling under a growing bald spot. It really is the quintessence of sad. Holly is also appalled by the phenomenon of the little male bun known, alas, as the “mun” or “bro  bun”.

It looks like crap on Colin Farrell – imagine it on someone 25 years older. It has definitely Got To Go….

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There was a glut of quite splendid comments last week which perked WTF up no end so keep them coming in as well as your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

This week is about the End of Shame. We will get to the sartorial shitpile shortly but first there is moral shame. WTF is all for rehabilitation but that involves those concerned recognising that their conduct was wrong. Over the past few days, people whom you had hoped had gone away for good popped back up brazen and unapologetic. Take Douglas Hogg, MP for Grantham until 2010 when he stepped down in the aftermath of the Parliamentary expenses scandal. It was Hogg who submitted the notorious claim for cleaning his moat at his estate Kettlethorpe Hall together with the cost of a full time housekeeper, work to his stables, tuning his piano and £617 for a mole-catcher. The only surprise is that there was no claim for the cost of a minion to wipe his arse. Cameron tried to get him a life Barony in 2011 but the appointment was blocked. Now he has been elevated to the House of Lords in the Dissolution Honours List even though he already is a bloody Viscount. What Hogg can add to the Parliamentary process is unclear but doubtless the £300 a day he will trouser from the taxpayer will allow the moat to be cleaned yet again at public expense.

Then we have Rebekah Brooks. Readers will recall that in 2011 the News of the World shut down after the extent of its systematic phone hacking became clear, including the phone of missing schoolgirl Milly Dowler who was later found dead. Brooks, who was Editor during the Dowler hacking before progressing via The Sun to CEO of News International, resigned a week later with a payoff of £16m. She stood trial but was acquitted, having convinced the jury that just because she had edited both papers and later ran the whole company AND had been sleeping with her deputy Andy Coulson for six years (and he knew all about the hacking) did not mean that she knew anything about anything and how very dare anyone even suggest otherwise. Brooks will resume her role as CEO on Monday. Robert Thomson, Rupert Murdoch’s henchman, issued the following statement: “Her expertise, excellence and leadership will be crucial as we work to extend our relationship with readers and advertisers and develop our digital platforms to take full advantage of our brilliant journalism.” This, by the way, is the same Murdoch who told the House of Commons Select Committee enquiring into phone hacking “this is the most humble day of my life”. Yeah, right.

And then we had gruesome twosome Tony and Cherie Blair, the Nicolae and Elena Ceausesçu of British political life. Earlier when The Guardian claimed that Cherie had lobbied pal Hillary Clinton in 2010 on behalf of that well-known champion of human rights, the Crown Prince of Qatar, she denounced the article as “sensationalist and inaccurate”.  Now Clinton’s private emails have been released to the US Senate and show that The Guardian was right. Do not hold your breath for an apology Readers – you will expire. Meanwhile Cherie’s husband wrote a piece in The Guardian likening Jeremy Corbyn’s policies to Alice in Wonderland. This from the man who persuaded us to invade Iraq on the basis of a dodgy dossier more fictional than anything Lewis Carroll could ever have conceived and whose actions destabilised the Middle East with the horrifying results we see now all over European ports and train stations.  Not a scintilla of shame amongst the lot of them. Nauseating.

The Video Music Awards and fashion are only very distantly related but this year was an absolute shocker. First in line for the week’s sartorial slating is Jeremy Scott, the Creative Director of Moschino.

Like a circus ringmaster who has lost his whip. And his shirt. And his mind. Just go away….

This is the wondrous Baddie Winkle, 86 year old Instagram sensation (1.3m followers) from Williamstown, Kentucky. 

A strapless bra is rarely a good idea on older women as it tends to exacerbate those hamster pouches under the arms. And this strapless bra is peeking out.  But as you can see, Baddie is not one to worry about appearances. The gaping mouth is like a tunnel of love direct to places you don’t want to think about arriving at and it is giving WTF the creeps.

Next up we have a couple of women famous only because of their exes – Blac Chyna, formerly attached to rapper Tyga (now squiring young Kylie Jenner) and Amber Rose, former inamorata of Kanye West (now married to Kylie’s half-sister  Kim Kardashian).

According to Blac and Amber they were fed up with being called derogatory names for flashing their cosmetically-enhanced chests and wearing skin-tight clothing so Blac is flashing her cosmetically-enhanced chest and Amber is wearing skin-tight clothing and they are both covered in derogatory names. I mean that’s proper post-modern ironic, innit?

Speaking of Tyga the love god, here he is. Be still my beating heart…

What an absolute prat. It is surprising that he can even hold his head up with the weight of those gold chains around his neck and for some reason he has the remains of a parachute over his shoulders. 

We now meet singer and star of Empire Serayah wearing Hervé Leger.

Did Serayah come straight from the beach? As for Hervé Leger, he recently pronounced that he did not want fat women and lesbians to wear his creations. He need not worry. There will be no queue for this one… 

OK let us get the sheer stuff out of the way with two ultra-hideous creations by Kuwaiti designer Labourjoisie. First up is Nicki Minaj.

And almost the same but even worse is Britney Spears. Her dress appears to be made out of the remnants from Nicki’s creation.

WTF would bet a pound to a pitch of shit that women in Kuwait do not go around dressed like this unless they are belly-dancers. Nicki’s dress puts horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. Britney’s bellybutton is on show and her tittage is about to make a bid for freedom. How on earth did she breathe? 

Here is Ciara wearing Alexandre Vauthier, a man for whom a seam is anathema.

Even Ciara cannot get away with this. She seems to be hiding behind squid ink spaghetti drying in a doorway and the high neck makes her look as if  her head is impaled on a spike.

This is musical theatre actor, singer and (*shudders*) You Tube star Frankie Grande. Look at him! I defy your fingers not to twitch…

Frankie is doing that jazz-hands, open-mouthed, I’ve-just-had-sex!!!!! thing as seen on David Furnish. His shorts appear to house the entire contents of his sock drawer and WTF does not even want to consider why his chest is so shiny.

The MC on this occasion was Miley Cyrus. She wore a series of quite appalling outfits throughout the night but hit the Red Carpet wearing Versace.

Miley and Versace in combination are more toxic than a caravan holiday in Chernobyl. Covering your nips with a harness and wearing the bottom half of a chandelier as a skirt  is not an outfit.  This falls squarely into the category of “That’s Not Even Clothes”. There is more material in the boots.

Imagine sitting down in this. Ouch. 

Finally, there is always some nonentity who turns up looking stupid in a bid to get noticed. Remember Albanian songbird Bleona Gereti wearing a sparkling fishing net at the American Music Awards? Usually the said nonentity is virtually naked but in this year’s flesh-flash-fest, American singer-songwriter Z Lala stood out covered up in vintage Christian Dior.

Well it is novel but it is also bonkers. She looks like Merlin on the run from the asylum. And there is the little matter of her eyes like a couple of tarantulas out on the lash.

This week’s It’s to To Go is suggested by WTF aficionado Ben from Moorgate who is enraged by strangers dawdling two or three abreast on the busy London pavements, blocking his timely arrival at work. Ben says that if there are cycle lanes on the roads, why not ambling lanes on the pavements with another lane reserved for those in a hurry? Ben for Mayor! 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were loads of splendid comments last week which made WTF all happy and smiling  so keep them coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Well, Labour has gone and done it. It has elected Jeremy Corbyn, a man with no experience of Government, no experience of leadership, no experience of running anything except a bath. He got off to a bad start. First he shunned the Press and refused all interviews. Then he failed to sing the National Anthem in St Paul’s Cathedral at a ceremony honouring Battle of Britain veterans and pitched up with his collar unfastened and his tie askew. He may have stuck to his beliefs in refusing to extol God and Her Majesty but it was nevertheless a massive own goal. He should have activated his tonsils because (i) it is the National Anthem until we change it, which by the way we should as it is very dreary (ii) the Queen is the Head of State until we change her (which is not Labour policy) (iii) he was there as Leader of the Opposition and not as Jeremy Corbyn (iv) he is a Privy Councillor and (v) it was louche. The tabloids, those bastions of propriety and etiquette (phone hacking, anyone?), kicked up an Almighty fuss and Jez has now said he will sing it in future. Oh and he appeared at his first Prime Minister’s Questions wearing a tie, albeit a horrid one, with his collar properly fastened.

WTF is more concerned at the appointment of his campaign manager John McDonnell as Shadow Chancellor, the only Labour MP to the left of Corbyn and formerly an enthusiastic admirer of the IRA (last night he apologised for claiming that dead IRA activists should be “honoured for their part in the peace process”). McDonnell was sacked as Chair of Finance at the Greater London Council by Ken Livingstone amidst allegations of political (not personal) dodginess in the presentation of the figures. It is safe to say that McDonnell is unlikely to inspire trust amongst the bankers New Labour courted so assiduously in recent years or indeed anyone who owns as much as a sweet stall. The job should have gone to Angela Eagle who was a Treasury Minister and possesses those elusive qualities of experience and knowledge. It is one thing to give your mate a big job. It is quite another to make that man your Shadow Chancellor without the requisite experience. It is amateur. On the other hand McDonnell appeared on last night’s Question Time and doubtless to the great disappointment of the Rabid Right, he came across as polite and cogent. Oh, and the Shadow Agriculture and Environment appointee is a vegan who has described livestock farming as “cruel and dirty”.  There is more than a whiff of ragbag about the whole enterprise. 

That said, the more experienced members of the Shadow Cabinet flounced off to the back benches despite Corbyn winning 59% of the vote, sticking two fingers up to the Party electorate and leaving him no choice but to give the barrel a bit of a scrape. Yet if Corbyn is to get anywhere, even as Mr Anti-Establishment-Breath-of-Fresh-Air, he must present himself and his team as credible. Of the leadership candidates, only Andy Burnham joined the Shadow Cabinet. But Labour MPs, 90% of whom voted against Corbyn, have to think carefully about what they do next. They are either planning a Malcolm Turnbull-style coup or waiting for him to self-destruct but they should remember that he got more votes than the other candidates put together and on a huge turnout.  People backed him because they were sick of the slick, interchangeable, Tory-lite, stage-managed, I-speak-your-weight-machine, scripted nodding doggies who previously ran the show and got trounced at the General Election. Whether it all goes tits up for Corbyn (and WTF strongly suspects it will do) remains to be seen. But put bluntly, his reluctant MPs need to shit or get off the pot.

We start with American model Charlotte McKinney attending Chris von Wagenheim’s (nope – me neither) book launch in Los Angeles wearing a sheet.

That is not cleavage – that is more of an aerial view of the Alps. The outfit is simultaneously too big around the top (no mean feat in Charlotte’s case) and too tight around the crotch (yes, it is Beastie Yeastie time again) whilst the trousers flap about like sails in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race. As for the chain belt, it manages to make Charlotte look square which she isn’t. 

The Toronto Film festival had a few horrors on the Red Carpet. Shudder at Rachel McAdams wearing Valentino.

This is officially a pity. WTF has a lot of time for Rachel who was the only good thing about the second series of True Detective, eight hours of  incomprehensible, mumbling gloom with acting hammier than an Iberico pork farm. But this is dreadful and the skill of the embroidery does not compensate for the overall impression of a couture shower curtain.

Also going very wrong indeed was lovely and talented actress Naomi Watts wearing Faustino Puglisi.

This is one of the silliest things anyone has ever seen. What is it supposed to be? A baffled WTF can only conclude that Faustino drew inspiration from those joint fashion icons, Betty Rubble and Errol Flynn as Robin Hood.

And so to New York Fashion Week and actress and model Emily Ratajkowski wearing Balmain at the Vogue Party.

She looks like a cross-dressing Coldstream Guard. What is the point of lace trousers? They don’t cover anything and they don’t keep you warm, which is usually the purpose of wearing trousers at all. That is all WTF has to say about lace trousers. Next!

We stop at the Hervé Leger show and actress Victoria Justice wearing one of his creations.

Here’s the thing. She is lovely. The colour is lovely. The dress is hideous, the result of a nervous ambulance trainee practising bandage techniques – in the dark.

This is ridiculous blogger and general pain Perez Hilton wearing Jeremy Scott (designing in his own name not for Moschino).

Perez is wearing silly glasses, hamburger pyjamas and white hi-top trainers. Perez is 37. Next!

WTF is starting to worry about gorgeous singer Ciara who has recently made a number of very duff fashion choices. This is another one, courtesy of Givenchy.

And this is the side view. 

This falls firmly into the category of “That’s Not Even Clothes”. It is instead a random collection of scraps, a bodysuit, some chintz last seen draping a Victorian coffin and sex worker boots. Here is a WTF Golden Rule – if your arse is on show, it shouldn’t be.

If you thought that was bad, get a load of this. I speak of Nicki Minaj also wearing Givenchy.

Here’s the rear – and I mean that literally.

This is sort of Carmen meets the Lion King in the Serengeti. Meanwhile WTF is harbouring grave doubts about Nicki’s bottom and fears that there has been some interference with the workings of nature….

This week’s It’s Got to Go is Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, formerly Cole, née Tweedy. First, she can’t sing a note. Second, she sits in judgement on X Factor on people who can sing – and sing live, unlike Cheryl who has to mime to avoid sounding like a scalded cat.  Third, having got worryingly skinny, she has given a number of wholly different and specious explanations for it. And fourth, having got worryingly skinny she now wants “body shaming” (i.e. noticing that she has got worrying skinny) to be made a criminal offence. A criminal offence! As serious as, say, smacking a toilet attendant on the face whilst pissed in a nightclub …. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You are still being a bit reluctant with your comments, plunging WTF into deep gloom and despondency so hit the keyboard prontissimo and do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

When Ed Miliband announced that a future Labour Government would impose a cap on energy prices at the Labour Party Conference in 2013, the right wing press went berserk. You will recall the Daily Mail smearing Miliband’s father, a Jewish refugee from Nazi Europe, as “The Man Who Hated Britain” although he had fought in World War 2. So you can imagine their reaction to the election of Jeremy Corbyn. It is as if Pol Pot had pulled down Parliament, sent the Monarchy to a re-education camp and moved his commissariat into No 10. Their hysteria had Jez and henchman John McDonnell, his Shadow Chancellor, set to destroy Britain as we know it, leaving us defenceless against hordes of Russians, Palestinians, ISIS, IRA gunmen and Commies various running amok. Everyone would have to save up to have nothing with taxes at 90%. Think East Germany in the 1970s without the bratwurst. Meanwhile Jez was depicted as a lothario. He’s been married three times! He had it off thirty years ago with Diane Abbott whilst married to someone else! (Actually he was separated, but fuck the facts). WTF has trouble buying into a high moral tone from papers owned by porn-peddler Richard Desmond (divorced by one wife for unreasonable behaviour and now with a new one). Or by Rupert Murdoch (three wives, numbers one and two dumped to make way for younger versions and whose editor and deputy of one of his papers shagged each other for years although each married elsewhere). Or by non-dom the 4th Viscount Rothermere (whose father, the 3rd Viscount conducted a lengthy affair with a Korean hand model and married her after the incumbent died). Oh, and John Major anyone?

There are many concerns about Jez’s performance as Leader to date. WTF has already written about his rag-bag Shadow Cabinet, his appointment of McDonnell and his refusal to sing the National Anthem. He had never used an autocue before and so read out a stage direction helpfully inserted by his staff into his speech at the Labour Party Conference. Other parts of the speech were recycled from years back and written by and for someone else.  He got tetchy when pressed on the nuclear deterrent and said he wouldn’t press the button when it is neither Labour policy to abolish it nor wise to say it. There remains a nasty whiff of vengeance emanating from his supporters intent on pushing the Blairites out of the party. And he has as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as WTF has of taking a round off Floyd Mayweather because his backbenchers will chuck him out as soon as they work out how and even if they don’t, the electorate won’t have him. But as his speech showed, he is fundamentally a decent, principled, unshowy man who believes in improving people’s lives, a fairer society, holding tax cheats to account, better education, better housing, opposing executions by our so-called allies and business partners of those who speak out against oppression. He does not believe that the working man should “know his place” and be grateful for the crumbs from the Old Etonian table. Why should he? Why should they? It is interesting how quick the Tories were to condemn Lord Ashcroft last week over #piggate. But when it comes to condemning the rabid misinformation about Corbyn, there is not a murmur… It seems that after Princess Diana, after Leveson, the Press still conducts itself in a manner that makes Squealer from Animal Farm look amateur.

We begin our review of the week’s clothing cloaca at the Pride of Britain Awards (teary celebs cuddling brave kiddies in full view of the cameras) and singer Pixie Lott wearing a dress so dismal that the designer has wiped all references to him/herself from social media and fled the country.

Lawd love a duck, it’s Barbara Windsor making her 400th return to suicide-soap East Enders. Well it isn’t but as you can see from the photo below, Pixie has turned into Babs. To use the characters’ favourite phrase, wot’s going on? The slithery dress is not as bad as the shoes but it is bad enough to come with its own noose. Pixie! Stop it!

This is actress and comic Kirsten Wiig wearing Oscar de la Renta at the New York Film Festival.

WTF really hated Kirsten’s mega-hit movie Bridesmaids whose infamous barfing scene was replicated over her MacBook on catching sight of this. Why the recent fashion passion for tit spatulas? These seem to be inspired by a knocking-shop tapestry cushion ripped asunder by a frustrated customer unable to rise to the occasion.

To London’s Mayfair to see singer and actress Selena Gomez wearing Monse.

Frankly this is more Ponce than Monce. What we have here is a black silk bed sheet. But then Selena went out with little Justin Bieber so her taste is suspect.

We encounter designer Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice as was) leaving a party at her London store with husband David Beckham.

Posh is pissed. No problem with that but has she also, er, pissed herself? If she has, again no problem but either way why did the Beckham nookshlepers not drape something over her as she left the building? Surely there was a spare coat to hand… Memo to Posh. When you weigh less than a handful of edamame, alcohol goes straight to your head. As for David, he looks as if he has just cleaned the boiler and those shoes have got to go.

This is model and “star” of Real Housewives of Miami Joanna Krupa wearing Yas Couture by Elie Madi at the 35th PETA Anniversary Gala in Hollywood

WTF is all for the ethical treatment of animals and Joanna’s concern does her credit but what about her concern for people who have to look at her tits and bits adorned with swirly sequins? Spread the concern around a bit more, love.

We are off to the amFAR gala at Milan Fashion Week where we find WTF regular Ciara wearing Roberto Cavalli.

Ciara looks as if she has been playing dress-up with mummy’s curtains. WTF hopes that she rehung them when she got home.

Now we meet squillionaire Hong Kong businessman Stephen Hung wearing a most remarkable suit. Are those butterfly brooches?

Being very rich makes you are a prime target for kidnap so presumably Stephen wore this dotfest with very terrible trousers so as to be visible to his security staff amongst a sea of dinner jackets. Although any abductors would be strobed to death well before they could whip out the chloroform.

This is “socialite” (i.e. hedonist with more money than sense) Hofit Golan wearing Mario Dice.

It is not just the boring peekaboo Minge Moment like a lacy inkblot, although that is bad enough.  It is the faux-pubes detailing around the Minge. At least one hopes they are faux-pubes. 

Finally, our old friend fashionista supreme Anna dello Russo wearing St Laurent.

This is very Wild West saloon bride with creosote kninckles. In case you are anxious to replicate this look before checking yourself into a mental health facility, the dress costs £4,665 and the boots £845. Although presumably Anna didn’t pay…. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado Leslie from London, quoted practically verbatim. Leslie has got the dead raving needle with Facebook posts which carry a cute message, usually accompanied with a nauseatingly twee image of a dog/baby/lily etc. and are put up by people too inane to think up their own punchlines. Here is an image of what I mean and it is by no means the worst.  Although WTF observes this one is also misspelt.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Comments abounded last week, keeping a wide smile on WTF’s face. Keep them coming and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Even by the poisonous standards of the Daily Mail columnists, bilious bitch Amanda Platell outdid herself last Saturday.  Her subject was Great British Bake Off, the genteel show where contestants whip up buns, cakes and pastries to be judged by surly Scouser Paul Hollywood and charming octogenarian Mary Berry. Both Paul and Mary know all about baking so when white, well-bred, well-spoken teenager Flora failed to make the Final, WTF accepted their stated reason that they could taste the raising agent in her chocolate carousel cake. Platell however saw it differently. For her, the fact that the finalists were Nadiya, a housewife in a hijab, Tamal, a gay doctor and “new man” Ian, a travel photographer, was proof positive that the BBC had engineered Flora’s exit because she was “too middle class”. This was of course bollocks but Amanda had only tottered into the foothills of bollocks. She reached the summit with the next sentence “Perhaps if she’d made a chocolate mosque, she’d have stood a better chance.” Now this is offensive on so many levels. The Islamophobia. The homophobia. The sub-text that a carousel is oh-so-British. The visceral knee-jerk hatred of the BBC. And the implicit suggestion that you cannot have Bangladeshi or Indian parents and be as good as the fragrant Flora so there must have been another reason why you made the Final, namely a dictat from those politically correct lefty gays at BBC Broadcasting House with Jeremy Corbyn as their screensaver. Even poor old Ian was only there because he is a “new man”, i.e. Amanda had to think of a reason why a white man was a Finalist. The undercurrent is that if your parents were not white and born here, you are not entitled to win Great British Bake Off.   A view held by many it would seem.

Here’s the thing. Platell (who by the way is Australian but hey, at least she is white) and the others of her ilk, particularly those who take the Mail and Murdoch shilling or who leave vile comments on its website or that of the The Telegraph, are always banging on about how Indians and Pakistanis and Bangladeshis come over here and do not assimilate. Yet here are Nadiya and Tamal baking up a storm. Nadiya told The Radio Times that desserts are not part of Bangladeshi cuisine but inspired by Jean Marshall her cookery teacher at school, she began to experiment and soon her family, friends and neighbours were feasting on Victoria sponge and carrot cake. She added “Just because I’m not a stereotypical British person, it doesn’t mean I am not into bunting, cake and tea. I’m just as British as anyone else, and I hope I have proved that.” To which WTF says Nadiya, you are wrong. You and Tamal do not need to prove anything. It is those who expect you to prove something that are the problem. Those who support Platell’s disgusting views. Those who think women in a hijab cannot be British. Those who believe you are not British unless you are white, straight, Christian and born here to parents who were white, Christian, straight and born here and who loathe the BBC for its commitment to diversity. They, Nadiya, and not you, are the problem.

For the record Nadiya smashed it to win the competition. She should bake a chocolate spittoon and use it to show her contempt for Platell and her ilk. Please form an orderly queue…

We move to the week’s clothing crapfest, starting with British actress Kaya Scodelario at the premiere of Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials wearing Chanel.

For those with unlimited funds and no common sense whatsoever, forget going to Morris Angel for your fancy dress experience. Get Karl Lagerfool to design a couture penguin costume with insouciant bow tie and team it with stupid bootees.

The Inside Soap Awards are always an excellent source of fashion faux-pas and this year was no different. This is Hollyoaks actress Jessica Ellis.

Granted it is unfortunate that Jessica’s shirt clashes so badly with the background but even were she to be standing against a plain white one, the problem would be not just that the shirt is very lairy but that she forgot to put anything with it. Like a skirt or trousers.

We pop into Hollywood to meet actress Dania Ramirez wearing Dora Abodi.

She’s got wings. And encrustations on her boobage. And a skirt which appears to be made out of cat tails. Baffling.

To Paris Fashion week where Balmain seemed to dominate the headiness. We start with actress Jada Pinkett-Smith (wife of Will Smith) at the catwalk show.

Jada!  Are you having a laugh? That is not a skirt and it would be unforgivable on Kendall Jenner who is barely 20 whereas you are 44. Balmain has gone very big on latticework next season. Latticework has its place. But on a pie.

Perhaps it is the nearest this lot will ever get to a bit of pastry so they wear it rather than eat it. Or something….

Back to the show after-party, where we meet a newcomer to these pages, Dubai-born stylist and fashionista Mohammed Sultan al-Habtoor seen here with his model pal Coco Rocha. At least they’re not wearing latticework, for which relief much thanks. However…..

Coco looks like a maypole but it is Mohammed who catches the eye. An article about him described his career as progressing “from model to soldier to fashion designer to stylist”.  As Lady Bracknell remarked, a life filled with incident.  But why is he dressed as Crocodile Dundee? Not that Crocodile Dundee would get very far in the Outback with those ridiculous Roman sandals. A croc would be nibbling at his toes before you could say Kakadu National Park.

Nonsense also abounded at the Vivienne Westwood party with Zendaya wearing one of the Dame’s creations.

Ummm…… Zendaya had been out skating and had to wrap a tablecloth around her because she had fallen down on the ice and had a wet bottom. Because there cannot be any other reason to wear this. Can there?

And we go to the Vogue Party for even more nonsense, this time on Russian model  Natasha Poly wearing Francesco Scognamiglio who is fast becoming a WTF bugbear.

Francesco is unable to contemplate the concept of opaque fabric. This is a typical creation, all flounces and frou-frou and frilly drawers like a bad baby doll with sleeves. Remember WTF’s Golden Rule – if it looks like shit on a supermodel, then it is probably is. 

Ah! She’s back. Here is actress Bai Ling dressed as a road sign at the Hollywood film Festival.

When people dream of being key in Hollywood, they probably do not mean this. The photo was taken before the Oregon shootings but given the Americans’ inalienable right to shoot kiddies dead any time, any where, wearing a gun-shaped bra is never going to be tasteful. And whilst her body is enviable for any age, let alone 48, one just wishes that she would put the bloody thing away.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is Amanda Platell. Bitch. See above.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Comments abounded last week, which made WTF happier than a happy thing. That and Arsenal’s 3-0 victory over Manchester United and she was pirouetting like Sylvie Guillem. Keep them coming and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

You expect Presidential Candidate Donald Trump to say something stupid because that is what he does. His exists to be outrageous, from his views on Mexicans to that custard-coloured thing on his head purporting to be hair. But other Republican Presidential candidates now feel compelled to say something equally daft and last week it was Ben Carson’s turn. Dr Carson, a retired neurosurgeon somewhat to the right of Genghis Khan, said of the Holocaust “the likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed.”  This is of course nonsense.  Jews were 1% of the German population and even if every one of them and all the other Jews across Europe, rabbis, doctors, writers, grocers, grannies and children, had been armed to the teeth, they would have struggled against the German Army with unlimited ammunition, planes and tanks – as the Polish Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising found out. The same goes for gays, gypsies, the disabled and all those other groups the Nazis exterminated as not fitting in with their picture of the perfect society. Guns would not have saved them and the subtext, that it is somehow their fault they were wiped out because they didn’t grab a gun, is plain offensive. Mind you, Dr Ben is big on self-help. When asked about the Oregon massacre at Umpqua Community College recently, he said “I would not just stand there and let him shoot me. I would say, ‘Hey, guys, everybody attack him! He may shoot me but he can’t get us all”. Shame he wasn’t there really…..

But behind the nonsense is the pernicious determination of the Gun Lobby to uphold their inalienable right to bear arms, no matter how many kids get splattered against the wall by psychos. The Nazi analogy is a favourite of theirs – whenever gun control is mooted, out comes the tired old cliché like a dog returning to its vomit. Carson used to be for gun registration but changed his mind after it dawned upon him that “sinister internal forces” might track you down and take your guns away. So nothing will be done, everyone knows that nothing will be done and more and more people will die in the name of the Constitution. So far in 2015 there are 8,512 of them, including at 1 person a week shot by toddlers.  1 person a week. God Bless America.

To the week’s sartorial slurry with the fringe on top, starting with the lovely Cate Blanchett wearing Givenchy.

The horrible slitheriness and lace inserts are bad enough but what are those long things hanging down? Are they reins? Are they ties for a straitjacket? Let us hope that Cate, whom WTF warmly admires, does not tread on them and fall arse over tit.

Here she is again! Yes it is singer and X Factor Judge Rita Ora. WTF does not know what she is wearing but she does know that she should not be wearing it.

See what I mean? Going out in an all-in-one body stocking and a vulgar Chanel belt worn, inexplicably, with sensible shoes and sunglasses (at night) falls squarely into the category of “That’s not even clothes”. And lose the curlers, love. You look like Hilda Ogden from Coronation Street.

Next we have idiot singer and teen idol Justin Bieber, seen here with model Hailey Baldwin. (How many of these bloody Baldwins are there? They are more ubiquitous than the Kardashians.)

Recently nude pictures were published showing Justin with his dingly-dangly, er, dangling, whereupon his dad tweeted proudly about the size of his son’s appendage and Bette Midler waded in attacking the dad’s comment and it all went off. WTF has no opinion on the size of Justin’s dingly-dangly but it may explain why he always wears those stupid dropped-crotch trousers or in this case, shorts. WTF had hitherto assumed it was because he was still in nappies. What is Hailey’s excuse? As for Justin’s shoes and socks combo, they are unspeakable.

And here is another young star who grew up to a right pain, singer Miley Cyrus.

Sigh. That thing on her head looks like a jester’s hat that the cat chewed up. It is actually more offensive than the sunflower nip-tips, bad as they are but not nearly as bad as the Smiley bag and matching Pat Butcher earrings.

Yes, she was in last week but this cannot be ignored. Here is Bai Ling out on her 49th birthday.

In terms of fabric, this is more than Bai Ling usually wears but WTF was struck by the faux-penis and still more by the very visible tattooed Minge Moustache.

PUT. IT. AWAY. PRETTY PLEASE.

Now we meet Dutch singer Natalie La Rose at the Latin American Music Awards wearing Nicholas Jebran.

This is one of the worst things WTF has ever seen.  Not only is it ugly but the crotch creases are downright disturbing with folds like a Shar Pei.

Finally, here is lovely actress Salma Hayek wearing Bottega Veneta. Bottega Veneta! Ye Gods!!

Salma’s husband François-Henri Pinault owns Bottega Veneta. (And Gucci. And Louis Vuitton. And Balenciaga. And Alexander MacQueen). Salma should get first dibs on what to wear at an event sponsored by Bottega Veneta but she pitched up in a tattered old army tent with the lining folded over as a breast bandage. WTF can only conclude that Salma and François-Henri had one hell of a bust-up the night before and he issued orders to his staff to give her the ugliest dress available. An order they seem to have followed to the letter.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is suggested by WTF aficionado Philippa who was outraged by these revolting Gucci fur-lined shoes, yours for only £785. François-Henri! Get a grip, man.

Now WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but £785 for a bit of patent leather, some manky kangaroo fur and a handful of cheap-looking heel trinkets is no laughing matter. And what is the point of wearing something fur-lined with slingbacks? It is like having the heating on with the door open…

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were literally thousands of hits last week but a paucity of comments. Is it greedy to have both? (Answer – probably).  Still, let us do an experiment and try. Spread the word about the blog, keep the comments coming and send in your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

When George Osborne, freed from the constraints of the Coalition, delivered his budget in July, it was sold as a chance for working people to stand on their own two feet by introducing the Living Wage – i.e. hoiking up the Minimum Wage in tranches over the next five years and giving it a fancy name. Except that with every ladder comes a snake and Osborne is a serious snake. To pay for this largesse, there was to be a cut in tax credits for the same working people who would benefit from the Living Wage, even though Cameron had ruled out those very cuts during the Election Campaign. As noted in WTF’s blog at the time, the independent Institute for Fiscal Studies punched the numbers and the verdict was damning, predicting that millions of families would end up worse off overall.  Nevertheless, Tory MPs voted for Osborne’s Budget. Since then, however, the post-cuttal glow has worn off and those same MPs are getting grief from their constituents. On Question Time last week, a woman who had voted Tory in the belief that the Tories were the party of the working person let forth at Cabinet Minister Amber Rudd.  “I work bloody hard for my money. To provide for my children to give them everything they’ve got – and you’re going to take it away from me and them…I can hardly afford the rent I’ve got to pay, I can hardly afford the bills I’ve got to do, and you’re going to take more from me.” A shocked Rudd could only gawp like a fishy gargoyle as the woman shouted “Shame on You!”. And so say all of us…

At which point, enter the Boudicca of the Fens, Heidi Allen, elected in May for the constituency of South Cambridgeshire.  Dressed in blue like Mrs T, Ms Allen made her maiden speech on Tuesday during an opposition motion condemning the cuts and spoke passionately against them. It was like Henry V at Agincourt, only with more bollocks. According to the heroic Heidi, “I know that Conservatives have compassion flowing through their veins. Today every Conservative who knows who they really are has a duty to remind those who have forgotten. We are the party of the working person”. Radio and TV commentators drooled like a lovesick calf.  And they salivated as well over the new Nelson, Johnny Mercer, MP for Plymouth Moor View who told the House that his constituents opposed the cuts and “It is my duty to represent them here in the people’s Parliament where they, and no one else, have sent me to work”.

How brave! How principled! Except that not only had both of them voted in favour of the cuts in July but hours after their brave, principled speeches, they voted for them again. Heidi sought to defend herself  on Twitter “Had the wording of the motion requested a different approach to TC changes, I’d have supported it. But it didn’t. Pls listen 2 what I said”. We did, Heidi – that is the problem. Like the Grand Old Duke of York, you and Johnny marched your troops up to the top of the hill and marched them down again. And then rolled over like a pair of puppies with your legs in the air waiting for the whips to tickle your tummies. Compassionate Conservatism is all well and good but it is not worth anything unless it is backed up with action. Boudicca and Nelson? More like Pinky and Perky….

We start our forensic foray into fashion at the Attitude Awards in London with Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters wearing Phase 8.

This week in Downton Abbey, the Earl of Grantham took a turn and vomited blood all over the table (ulcer – nasty). Had Ana been sitting at that table dressed in this flapperfringefest with toning tattoo, his attack would doubtless have been fatal and Lady I-Speak-Your-Weight-Machine Mary would be Chatelaine as Regent for Little Lord Fauntleroy or whatever his name is. In short – this is not a good look.

London also hosted the Q Awards. Naturally mega-musician Mark Ronson was in attendance. After all, he wrote Uptown Funk, the year’s most irresistible song.

He looks like a gigolo on a Caribbean cruise ship and those silk facings are the pits… 

To the Elle Women in Hollywood Awards and supermodel Miranda Kerr did no better.

A belt is usually worn over something to hold it up. If anything needs holding up, it is the bandeau top which looks perilously prone to slippage. However Miranda’s amazing abs need no support, making the belt as much use a packet of condoms in a eunuch’s pocket. The look is not even original as Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City did it about 20 years ago. And it looked stupid then.

To Berlin and German strumpet, “model” Micaela Schäfer, wearing an old net curtain.

This was the Venus Erotic Festival but a less erotic-looking spot than a grey, rainy, Oktober pavement outside some really ugly Soviet-style concrete edifice, it is difficult to imagine. 

Micaela posed completely naked at the festival the other day and frankly she might as well have done the same here and saved someone the trouble of getting out the sewing machine. Is that a mosquito bite on her bum?

To the launch of Marco Marco’s new fashion line in Hollywood where we meet a preposterous newcomer to these pages, socialite and jewellery designer Markus Molinari (seen with someone WTF does not know).

Zorro goes partying. He could just about get away with the cloak but the village idiot hat with the lace doily passeth all understanding….

To London and the Women of the Year Lunch where we find Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman wearing Erdem.

Part Mary Poppins, part cheap linoleum on the floor of a 50’s diner and wholly horrible. What was Erdem thinking of?

Here is ridiculous (un)reality star Jess Impiazzi wearing not nearly enough whilst out and about in Guildford.

To date, Jess’ principal achievements have been appearances in TOWIE and something called Ex on the Beach but they sufficed as a springboard for titsy pics and mentions in the Daily Mail’s Sidebar of Shame, those indicia of 21st century celebrity. Readers may think that Jess forgot her skirt but her dress was just too short. WTF tries not to be a fuddy-duddy but citizens of Guildford should be free to go about their business of an evening without having to see Jess’ pink panties. As should we all….

Finally, we have Beyoncé at a TIDAL charity concert wearing Philipp Plein and some rather nice Louboutins.

One word. Trashy. Three more – too much tit. Extra minus points for the Croydon Facelift ponytail and the puce roadkill stole. You are an A List star, love – start dressing like one.

This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested by WTF stalwart Yvonne Ridley who is bewitched, bothered and bewildered by Donald Trump’s hair. Although it looks like a toupee, the considered opinion of trichologists various is that it is not, which makes matters all the more puzzling.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man who retains his hair in middle age tends to wear it flamboyantly as a up-yours to the many long-suffering baldies around him. However, when your hair is so improbable, both in colour and volume, that it does not actually look like your own hair, you have a problem and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Lots of top comments last week made WTF a smiling, happy person so keep them coming and send in your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

It is Halloween tomorrow but for David Cameron all week has been a horror show. On Monday he was beset by ghoulies in ermine voting down his tax credits in the House of Lords. On Wednesday he was given a (polite) kicking by hobgoblin Jeremy Corbyn in Prime Minister’s Questions. On Thursday, 20 beastly Tory backbenchers backed a Labour motion in the Commons calling for a rethink on tax credits and he was also humiliated by the revelation that his pet charity, Kids Company, which went tits up in April this year, was awarded £46m of public money over 13 years, despite warnings from Civil Servants that such largesse was, to say the least, foolish. In 2012, the CEO, Camila Batmanghelidjh, a garish, perambulating sofa of a woman too ghastly even for Halloween, contacted Dave personally to overrule Sir Humphrey and lo! the blockage was gone. Dave – the political equivalent of Jeyes Fluid. Kids Company was paid another £3m of taxpayers money only weeks before it went bust, again in the face of firm advice from Sir Humphrey, but Ministers still ordered payment. When you stick to a celebrity charlatan like shit to a blanket, the subsequent disengagement after it all goes wrong is both painful and malodorous.

Mind you, the money poured into Batmanghelidjh’s lap is but a drop in the ocean compared to the little matter of a £4bn hole in the accounts after the Lords sent back the proposals to cut working tax credits. The week before, Dave and George swaggered around Westminster like Masters of the Universe, either oblivious or indifferent that 3m working families would be up to £3k a year worse off. And then a ragbag of unelected Labour and Liberal has-beens, never-weres and arse-lickers (and a Bishop!) put a massive spanner into the works. How Dave and George raged! Except of course that since 2010, Dave has packed the House of Lords tighter than a camel’s bottom in a sandstorm, creating 83 new Tory peers, 13 of whom contributed £23m to the Party coffers. Of course the House of Lords is undemocratic and unelected and full of toadies and sycophants of all parties. But sometimes you have to take help where you can find it and on this occasion, the Lords got it absolutely right.

If Cameron was really serious about reforming the Lords, he would have done something about it, rather than appointing peers by the bucketful (and now threatening to shove in 100 more to even up the numbers).  His majority in the Commons was gained by deceiving the very people whose incomes he now seeks to decimate. He promised not to cut their credits and weeks later his Chancellor proposed to do just that. In the circumstances, his bleating about the democratic process cuts as much ice as the man who murders his parents and then seeks mercy on the grounds he is an orphan. Still, perhaps he and George can buy a couple of cheap Halloween costumes and go door to door trick or treating for the money. With the emphasis on trick….

ps – Credit where credit is due to Heidi Allen MP, whom WTF lambasted last week for making her maiden speech criticising the cuts and then voting in favour of them only hours later. This week, she was one of the 20 who supported the Labour motion. Well done that woman….

Looking at the week’s clothing catastrophes, you would be forgiven for thinking that everyone was in Halloween costumes. We start at the MTV EMAs (European Music Awards) in Rome where an array of horror was on view. First up is model Amanda Cerny wearing WTF bugbear Michael Costello.

The thing about a Michael Costello creation is that something is always hanging out, in this case Amanda’s boobs.  At least they have the merit of being her own but that does not mean they have to be quite so visible. This is not so much a Tit Window as a Tit French Window. Pull the curtains – please.

The MC was Orange Is The New Black actress, model and everyone’s girl crush Ruby Rose, wearing Fausto Puglisi.

Ruby is beautiful  but this outfit is seemingly inspired by the one worn by Richard Burton as Mark Anthony in the dreadful 1960’s movie, Cleopatra. Only he wasn’t more tattooed than a South Shields stevedore.

Also there was little Justin Bieber looking, as ever, like a knob.

Not very dressed up, is he? Look closely and you will see that little Justin is dressed in leggings UNDER MATCHING SHORTS, a floppy teeshirt and $5 hoodie. WTF is beginning worry about Justin’s nether regions as they are permanently swathed in more fabric than Peter Jones’ soft furnishings department. What is going on?

Oh no, she is now travelling abroad! I refer to Scottish teenage singer Tallia Storm wearing House of CB.

Tallia is wearing an outfit made from the metal shutters pulled down in shopfronts at close of business. As for her hair, she has stolen it from a troll.

And there were the Nervo twins Olivia (l) and Miriam (r), aka Australian popular singing troupe NERVO.

WTF got into a lather over these two who sought to make a splash in a pair of shower curtains worn with knee length boots. Memo to Miriam –  it is hard to strike that two-finger attitude when you are wearing your bathroom fittings.

Leaving the EMAs, we travel to the Vogue dinner in China to greet another Australian, singer Iggy Azalea, wearing Armani Privé.

Who knew that Giorgio Armani was a fan of The Muppets’ Sam the Eagle? 

Sam must be getting along a bit now because he has gone awfully bald.

This next one is officially a pity. Here is stunning Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron in at an event in Hong Kong, wearing Tom Ford.

It is one thing to win an Oscar. It is quite another thing to dress as one. The whole thing is frankly unnerving, like being in the front row of an anatomy lecture.  And how the hell did she get it on and off?

Finally we have WTF regular Rita Ora on Sunday’s X Factor, wearing Emmanuel Ungaro.

WTF could just about have lived with the skirt and shirt combo but those boots are another thing altogether, like the decorated tent poles in a wedding marquee. They may well be the ugliest boots ever in the history of ever, even given the shockers appearing in this blog.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes (again) courtesy of WTF stalwart Leslie from Lisson Grove, who (rightly, in WTF’s view) strongly objects to the nonsense surrounding Halloween.  It all started when he tried to buy some Diet Tango (Leslie! Think of those e-numbers!) and noticed that it was now relabelled “Spooky Diet Tango”. Leslie then discovered that his  favourite treats (Jaffa Cakes and Viennese Whirls)  had been renamed “Spooky Cake Bars” and “Toffee Terror Whirls”. It is hard enough to stop youngsters (and also, it seems, those of more mature years) from stuffing their face with this rubbish without marketing it as part of  yet another over-commercialised fake festival. As for Leslie, WTF is staging a Jeremy Kyle-type intervention on his eating habits. The bloke with the limo and the kindly expression is coming to take you to sugar rehab….. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Lots of top comments last week had WTF skipping about like a spring lambkin so keep them coming and send in your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

On 24 September 1988, WTF witnessed one of the most thrilling sporting events she has ever seen – the Olympic Men’s 100m Final in Seoul. The medallists all finished in under 10 seconds with Ben Johnson of Canada running a world record 9.79, Carl Lewis of the US,  9.92 and Britain’s Linford Christie, 9.93. Dennis Mitchell, also from the US, ran 10.04. The whole thing made the heart sing. Except it was a sham. 48 hours later, Johnson was disqualified, pumped fuller of anabolic steroids than a busload of bodybuilders out on a binge. Lewis, who was then awarded the gold medal, had in fact run out of his lane several times and should also have been disqualified. Which is why, on 26 September 1988, WTF fell out of love with track athletics and, with some honourable exceptions, has never really trusted any results since.  Of the four athletes mentioned above, only Mitchell went through his career without failing a drugs test and it was 11 years before anyone actually ran 9.79 whilst “clean”. WTF had fallen out of love with field athletics long before 1988, when what used to be known as the Iron Curtain countries, East Germany in particular, sent out women with muscles like watermelons, hair sprouting from places where hair is not supposed to grow and voices deeper than Barry White. So the news that Russian athletes have been cheating is hardly  a surprise. That there is State-sponsored cheating, backed up with bribes, or that IAAF bigwigs are alleged to have trousered huge sums of money, is hardly a surprise either. Putin is not known for being cuddly and most Sports Governing Bodies are as much use as tits on a fish, its officers high on power and many corrupt as hell.

The new President of the IAAF, Sebastian Coe, was a brilliant athlete and WTF is no doubt that he never took banned substances and never accepted a bribe. He also organised a fabulous London Olympics, except that many Russian medallists were so full of drugs, they practically glowed in the dark and former IAAF President Lamine Diack, once described by Coe as the IAAF’s “spiritual leader”, stands accused of receiving €1m from Russia for overlooking that fact. Also implicated in jiggery-pokery are Diack’s son and other IAAF officials, all enriched for turning a blind eye to these chemical con-artists. There have been various exposés on drugs and corruption over the years, most recently in the Sunday Times this August. However, the IAAF simply denounced the articles and Coe described the Sunday Times feature as “a declaration of war on our sport”. He changed his tune this week only after the World Doping Agency producing a damning report into Russians using drugs and the French authorities announced they were investigating Diack and his cohorts for corruption.  Sport has become big business, and big business means money, lots of it – for the stars who become celebrities, for the countries who stage the sporting events, for the rogue members of the Governing Bodies with accounts in the name of their cat in some Swiss Banque de Dodgy. It is time for Coe to stop posturing and pandering to his peers and to start scrubbing out the Augean stables. And whilst he is about it, he might set a good example to some of his colleagues by relinquishing his role as “ambassador” for sports giant Nike, a role that is a clear conflict of interest. The sporting dream has become a nightmare, albeit some of us woke up  that September weekend in 1988. 

We begin our survey of the dress dung heap with Mad Men actress January Jones wearing Lela Rose.

Hate it. The top suggests that a sofa has mated with an ostrich whilst the “trousers” resemble a couple of oversized condoms. WTF even hates the hair and makeup. Just terribly, terribly terrible.

This is teenage singer – yes, it’s her again – Tallia Storm wearing Atelier Villaba.

This is less an outfit and more a  ragbag of fabrics that have landed randomly on Tallia’s person. Her shadow looks like a trail of poo, which is, to say the least, apt. This may sound old-fashioned but there is something wrong about a 17-year-old girl flashing her knickers in public.

Next up, we have one of our regulars, Miley Cyrus, wearing Ulyana Sergeenko.

The original outfit had the skirt paired with a sheer but pretty lacy body. However, Miley has personalised it by cropping the body into a bra top and adding another line of flowers, like a Hawaiian hula dancer. As for the shoes, they would be de trop in a Benidorm bingo hall…

Now we have a couple of duds from the Glamour Woman of the Year Awards, both top designers wearing their own creations and thus falling squarely into the category of Physician Heal Thyself. First up is Vera Wang.

It is difficult to tell where the hair stops and the furry skirt starts. Vera seems to have drawn inspiration from the story of Jacob, who passed himself off to his blind father Isaac as his more hirsute brother Esau, by covering his arms and neck with goatskins. And those shoes are an abomination.

We also have usual suspect Jeremy Scott, Creative Head of Moschino.

What is his suit made of? It puts WTF in mind of that non-stick liner for baking trays you buy from Lakeland. And his shirt is almost at a right angle with the whole thing reflected in the glare of the shoes. The coat, however, is tops.

WTF could have picked any model from the Victoria Secret’s Show Afterparty as they all looked titsy, tawdry and tacky. As WTF aficionado Sally points out, the whole show is titsy, tawdry and tacky, basically a Miss World competition where the contestants do not get to express their desire to help sick kiddies.  Kendall Jenner, who now appears to have reached the top of the modelling tree, looked the worst, clad in Versace.

You know when people say, “she’d look good in a bin bag?”. That hypothesis has just been disproved and there seems to be a pair of minge-bubbles which WTF finds plain weird.

Actress Bai Ling went out and about in Hollywood dressed (?) like this.

She is blending into the décor of some swanky Hollywood hotel but, alas, we can still see her. This is Gladiator meets peekaboo radiator…until she turns round.

Whereupon you catch sight of what seems to be a golden buttock-basket. It is time for Bai Ling to stay indoors. Indefinitely.

This is singer-songwriter and fashion muse Erykah Badu, wearing Stéphane Rolland at the Soul Train awards in Las Vegas.

The back is actually rather striking.

Why then does the dress need the sleeved batwing cape and the daft top hat like Mr Darcy popping off to Pemberley?

Finally there is no way that WTF can omit the insufferable Kim Kardashian wearing Givenchy, that most toxic of all fashion combinations.

The good news is that Kim is wearing panties and a flesh coloured bra. The bad news is that we can see them and everything else, save for her ankles which have mysteriously been masked with opaque fabric like the legs on a Victorian piano. At the risk of distressing you, Readers, WTF is compelled to ask whether she is cushioning her enormous bump, covering her crotch or, er, fiddling with her fanny. Whichever it is, it is unsightly.

This week’s It‘s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Andrew Purcell from Texas, he of the excellent weekly comments. Shocked and amused in equal measure by last week’s offering in this section, the scrote tote, Andrew sent in this monstrosity.

These plastic bull testicles are hung from the trailer hitch of your pick up truck in Texas. You can buy them in a wide choice of colours, from realistic tans and browns through pastels and winding up at bright fluorescent primary colours that glow in the dark. Andrew is anxious to assure WTF that he has not bought, and will never buy, a set of the said testicles. There are only 4 words. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. The comments  last week were of top quality so keep them coming and do not stint on your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

It has been a most unedifying week in British politics. For a start, we are at war – again. Two years ago, Dave begged the House of Commons to let him bomb Syria to take out President Assad. He lost that vote after Ed Miliband reneged on his previously-promised support. Two days ago, Dave begged the House of Commons to let him bomb Syria to take out IS (or Dash as Defence Secretary Michael Fallon referred to them, oblivious of the fact that Dash is a clothing firm owned by the Kardashians. Air strikes to take out the Kardashians would get anyone’s vote but sadly that was not an option on offer.) Dave won the vote and within hours, bombs were raining down on some Syrian oil wells. But what happens when we start bombing Raqqa and take out innocent civilians? The citizens of that God-forsaken place can either run away and smuggle themselves on unseaworthy vessels to Europe, whereupon they are damned as being covert terrorists, or stay and either be raped, beheaded or bombed. Britain has no end game, no army to follow through, no strategy other than to be Seen To Be Doing Something. And of course, all our previous ventures into the Middle East have been a triumph. Libya and Iraq are ever so stable, aren’t they? And Afghanistan has worked out a treat. Einstein defined insanity as  “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” The very definition of British Foreign Policy…

Many Labour MPs voted in favour of intervention. WTF profoundly disagrees with them but – unlike our Prime Minister and his reference to those voting against military action as “terrorist sympathisers” – she respects their right to hold that view. She therefore deplores the nasty bullying attacks on them and threats of deselection by Jezza’s little helpers, egged on by Ken Livingstone, from whom a prolonged period of silence would be welcome. Labour is becoming less credible by the minute and Livingstone a profound embarrassment and liability. Meanwhile, over at Tory HQ, there has been a coverup for vile bully Mark Clarke, who allegedly drove a young party activist to his death but was sheltered from a barrage of complaints by party members claiming all manner of abuses at his hands. Former Chairman, slime bucket Grant Shapps did not so much fall on his sword as get skewered by it whilst his c0-Chair, Lord Feldman, maintains his role despite there not being an iota of difference between their respective responsibilities. It is amazing how far an old Brasenose College tie, a strategically placed tongue near the Prime Ministerial back bottom and a finely honed backhand, can get you….

Let us escape into the wondrous world of fashion disasters, starting with ex-Corrie actress Lucy-Jo Hudson wearing House of CB.

Yikes. A diarrhoea-coloured jumpsuit with a giant tit window showcasing wonky breasts. And it is very snug over the unmentionables. Meanwhile, if there was ever a pictorial quintessence of the the phrase lollipop-head, Lucy-Jo is it. Frightful.

To the ARIAS, the Australian Music Awards, where nonsense was in abundance. Goodness knows what this lot thought they were doing. We start with Egyptian-born, Australian-bred oud player Joseph Tawadros.

No. Just no.  Sydney Greenstreet in Casablanca wears Paisley. Shocking.

Next, we have the Sheppard sisters Emma (blonde hair) and Amy (green hair), together comprising popular singing troupe Sheppard, both wearing boots by Jaime Lee.

What the fuck are those boots? Those boots are entirely insane.

The sisters’ legs are being consumed by beasties, cut-price gargoyles in a Chinese Christmas wholesalers. Would you wear those boots? I think not….

And there was eccentric “music artist” Charles Corby.

WTF would be a liar if she said she knew what was going on here, but it appears that Charles is channelling a Victorian Angel Gabriel in his under-crackers. It gives Ding Dong Merrily On High a whole new meaning….

We travel to LA to meet Miley Cyrus looking raving mad. So no change there…

Oh dear. A bondage enthusiast out painting and decorating. And where is the other sock?

Here is actress Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel.

Kristen’s trousers make her look like a stocky sailor simulating a sofa. They also appear to give her a paunch, which she does not have whilst the top looks like it has shrunk in the wash. Chanel? Really?

We now visit the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women Awards in London where we encounter singer Perrie Edwards from hit girl group Little Mix wearing PA5H, yours for only £2,750. Undies extra.

Oh dear. All the tabloids and magazines declared that Perrie was showing her farouche former fiancé, One Direction‘s Zayn Malik, what he was missing after he ditched her to canoodle with model Gigi Hadid. But what is he missing? A bra and a pair of giant panties that Bridget Jones would have rejected, worn over a diamanté mosquito net. Extra minus points for the Croydon facelift ponytail and the eyelashes like a pantomime cow.

Also at the event was the über-ghastly celebritee Mylene Klass, wearing, er, Myleene Klass for Littlewoods.

WTF cannot stand Myleene who is the worst sort of self-publicist, eking out a little talent with a touch of tit. And, as we now see, even more……

Peekaboo arse. Klassy.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is America’s Gun Laws. Yet again, a hapless, angry President Obama was forced to bemoan the fact that his Congress is determined to uphold the inalienable right of US Citizens to shoot strangers at random for any or no particular reason. The latest outrage happened on Wednesday in San Bernardino, California, when Sayed Raznim Farook and his new bride Tafsheen Malik opened fire at an office party with automatic weapons, lobbing in a few pipe bombs for good measure. It has happened before and it will happen again until America gets its House in order….

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. The comments last week were excellent although a fight seems to have broken out between commentators, so do not stint on new contributions or your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

The scenic county of Shropshire is the Land that Time Forgot and Telford is the Constituency that Shropshire Never Bothered to Remember, a collection of a few former industrial towns and a bit of the Ironbridge Gorge with some 65,000 electors. In May this year, they voted in a Tory MP, Cameron Cutie Lucy Allan. Allan is married to a stockbroker and lives in leafy Wandsworth in South West London, doubtless with a charming pied-à-campagne somewhere in Shropshire subsidised by the taxpayers. Allan had already courted controversy in April when she gave her support to a local Tory Council candidate, Connor Furnival, whom the Daily Mirror had fingered for assaulting his former partner. Furnival  pleaded guilty to assault but Allan could not see what the fuss was about, tweeting “Why is a young working lad shoving his girlfriend national news?”  Despite this, the electors returned Allan as their representative with a whopping majority of 730 votes.

Scroll forward to December when Allan trooped through the lobby in support of the motion to bomb IS. Like many others on both sides of the House, Allan then received messages from her constituents expressing their disapprobation, including an email from bearded, ginger Adam Watling, 27, writing under the pseudonym Rusty Shackleford.  Allan then took to Facebook and wrote as follows:

Those words suggested that Rusty had either, at best, wished her ill or, at worst, threatened to do her in and Rusty was in great indignation at this on the entirely reasonable grounds that he had never written those last three words and produced his original email to prove it. So what did Allan do? Did she apologise? Of course not. She maintained that she had posted “comments actually posted to me on the same day, though not in the same email. Comments were added to the post as they came in. I posted them to show examples of unacceptable online abuse that comes in most days and which most people tolerate in silence”. 

Now Allan has a Masters degree in employment law. There is a legal term for her explanation. It is called “bollocks”. You do not have to be Lady Hale to understand that if you write, “This is from Rusty from Dawley”, it means that the contents that follow are from Rusty from Dawley, not from Rusty from Dawley and A N Other from some other Godforsaken place. Making up your own death threats is political Munchhausen’s Syndrome, showing contempt for her own constituents and contempt for the truth. Allan has never produced the email from A N Other which used the phrase “unless you die”  and has since taken herself off all social media in an attempt to avoid further examples of “unacceptable online abuse”,  save that in her case it is impossible to be abusive enough.

So far only the Mail Online, the local BBC, The Independent and LBC’s excellent James O’Brien have picked up on the story, although it caused a Twitterstorm. Why has it been buried? Had Allan been a Corbynista, we would never have heard the end of it. Or are we so used to MPs lying to us that it is simply considered not to be a story? Tory HQ is busy trying to keep Lord Feldman afloat but when someone next draws up a schedule for mucking out the Augean stables, he or she might assign time to clean up after Allan because she clearly has absolutely  no intention of cleaning up after herself.

We start our foray into the fashion farmyard with Katie Price promoting her new app Katie Price Official which, we are told, gives access to every area of her life. 

WTF feels compelled to enquire whether there is any part of Katie’s life which is unknown to any bugger between here and Botswana and if there is, what can it be other than her preferred choice of tampon? At least the App is free. Katie, on the other hand, just looks cheap, the school swot at McTrinians. She is a ghastly woman and it would be really nice if she just went away.

Next we meet Bryshere Y Gray, aka rapper Yazz the Greatest. He also stars in Empire.

WTF is all for recycling so Bryshere is to be congratulated for finding a use for all those discarded Ferrero Rocher wrappers. And his trousers seem to have fallen out with his ankles.

Here is Amal Clooney wearing vintage Lanvin. 

This is the same stuff as those foil blankets they throw over you when you collapse at the side of the road half way through a marathon, just after you have been overtaken by an octogenarian and two fat boys dressed as a cake. Just because it is vintage does not mean that it is nice. Fact.

This is Oscar nominee, young actress Hailee Steinfeld wearing a Yeezus crop top and John Paul Ataker lace trousers.

Keen Readers will be aware that WTF hates lace trousers almost above all things and they seem to be proliferating. Last week we had Myleene Klass flashing her arse in some and now Hailee is wearing what looks like shorts sewn into a net curtain and teamed with a crop top from Kanye West’s fashion label. Kanye is to fashion what Kim is to fashion – only very distantly related. Still Hailee has a terrific midriff and gets brownie points for not showing her bellybutton.

Now we have actress Jenna Dewan Tatum, wife of The Horrible Eight star Channing Tatum, wearing Marchesa at its Hollywood premiere.

There has long been a tradition of women stealing the limelight at their partner’s premieres by turning up with their undies on view. Sometimes, they are not wearing undies at all. This dress ticks virtually every WTF hate box – sheer, bondage, large panties. That is a lot of ticks. A veritable tickfest.

Here is one of our regulars, buxom beauty Mariah Carey. WTF does not know what Mariah is wearing but she does know she wishes she wasn’t wearing it.

This is a very ridiculous look. Rosie Huntingdon-Whiteley could probably get away with this leather-trousers-and-corset combo but Mariah is not Rosie. Leather trousers are very unforgiving to thicker thighs and sadly Mariah’s resemble a couple of jumbo-sized bratwurst on sale at a Cologne Christmas Market. But what is really offensive here are the tights underneath the leather trousers. She must be roasting. Mariah! Watch out for that Beastie Yeastie!

Finally we have a newcomer, Bollywood actress Sofia Hayat who attended the London premiere of The Danish Girl in boobacious latex. 

Blimey. She looks scary. You would pay some Madame dressed like this a lot of money to whip you into unconscious delirium and you would still be rubbing cream into the weals weeks later. Those tits are like a couple of hillocks covered in Batman logos for a Batman convention. Those tits are OUTRAGEOUS.

Hallo Readers,

Last week’s splenetic post on Telford MP Lucy Allan had an enormous number of hits, and no wonder. Readers were aghast that an elected MP can, on the face of it, post a death threat from Constituent A, then admit that the death threat was added in and was actually from Constituent X, as yet unnamed, whose original communication, if indeed there ever was one, has never been disclosed. Yesterday, she was on the front page of the London Evening Standard accused of bullying and haranguing a Parliamentary aide who was off sick. Trouble seems to stick to her like shit to a blanket.

Last week, Allan failed to turn up for her Saturday surgery, claimed that she had received a telephone death threat which happened to postdate her original Facebook post and then reappeared on Facebook railing against her critics. According to Allan, 

Last week was without doubt the weirdest of my political life so far. It was never about my use of social media. It was only ever about activists unhappy they didn’t get the MP they wanted, frustrated they didn’t get the government they wanted and angry that this government has had to implement some tough decisions in order to keep this country on track.

Keen-eyed Readers will notice the absence of any reference to Allan apparently fabricating a death threat against herself and libelling a constituent in the process. Rather, it was all the fault of lefties, crusties and Corbynistas various who had in for her.  Silly us. She was not the perpetrator, she was the victim!  Allan went on to dismiss people who write “under creepy aliases” (like wtffashionshark, for example) and concluded that “these people are not Telford”. Hours later, she disappeared from Facebook again, not realising that the post would still survive. 

Well, you know what Lucy? These people are Telford. They live in your constituency and your job is to represent them, not just the ones whose votes allowed you to scrape in with a majority of 730 with 39% of the vote. The fact that people disagree with you does not mean that you are free to doctor their emails or to dismiss their views. It is more than likely, Lucy, that some of the 16,094 people who voted Tory also disagree with bombing Syria, just as it is likely that some of the 15,354 people who voted Labour, 7,330 who voted UKIP, 930 who voted Green and 927 who voted LibDem, agree with it. And it is more than likely, Lucy, that many of your constituents, even the ones who voted for you, think that you do not deserve to remain as their MP on a generous salary and even more generous expenses. Oh, and Lucy – these people actually live in Telford. Most of them were born in Telford. So it ill behoves someone who was born in Worcestershire, grew up in Devon and has wafted in from Wandsworth to say who is and who is not Telford. And come May 2020, Lucy, they will tell you so.

Let us start our review of the week’s clothing cock-ups for 2015 with splendid Alabama Shakes singer Brittany Howard.

It is as if the curtains detached themselves from the rail and went walkies… By the way, she has a matching dress underneath the ecclesiastical cloak. Proving that you can have much too much of a good thing.

We move on to consider shocking strumpet Carla Howe, seen here at a footballers’ and wannabe WAGs’ night out last Sunday. Sadly, Arsenal players were amongst them, at which WTF is in great indignation. The gentleman with his back to Carla (wise move) is Liverpool and England ace Nathan Clyne wearing Christian Louboutin leopardskin studded loafers, yours for £875.

Carla’s twin Melissa once went out with footballing rat Ashley Cole, who did her wrong, whereupon Carla punched him several times at a nightclub. So she is not all bad. Less edifying is the fact that Carla was allegedly busy last year trying to flog a sex tape of her and skinny rapper Wiz Khalifa, formerly married to show-off Amber Rose. Even less edifying is the fact that Carla went out on a cold December night in only a black leather bra and khaki leather genitalia curtains. Just go away – and take Nathan and his very silly shoes with you.Footballers and taste do not go together. Here is another one, Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szezesny (currently on loan to Roma) and a lady called Patricia Wojnarowska.

Patricia’s bum is on show to everyone, showing more arse cleavage than a gang of navvies. The dress is so long that perhaps someone trod on the train and the back slipped down. Not. WTF is used to fashion horror but this picture caused her to screech like a parakeet. As for Wojciech, his matchy-matchy jacket and trainers combo is just terribly, terribly terrible.

The X Factor final took place last weekend. WTF bailed out early on both nights but she saw enough to note that if the show were a pet, it would have been put down long ago. Sunday’s show also saw a terrible outfit on little Harry Styles from One Direction wearing Gucci.

Is it National Recycle Your Curtains Week? A few weeks ago, WTF suggested that Harry was doing a Caitlyn Jenner. The case rests…...

Actress Phoebe Price is one of WTF’s favourites because she dresses in a consistently ridiculous way. Here she is out for dinner in LA.

Readers are advised to put down their breakfast at this point in order to avoid further spillage. Hot coffee can do damage. Ask McDonalds.

More arse. At what point did it become acceptable for women to flash their arse? Because as far as WTF is concerned, it never did. This is just fashion mooning. 

This next one is officially a pity. Here is gorgeous actress Lupita Nyong’o at the London premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time wearing Prouenza Schoula. 

Lupita! Why, why, why? And your lips have gone blue like a cyanotic spaceperson standing in a belted, fringed, fishing net. Sack the stylist! Stat!

To LA and the LA premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time,  attended by actress Kate Capshaw and her husband, legendary film director Steven Spielberg.

Er…..what? She is wearing leather waders. To a premiere. And a bowler hat. Preposterous. As for Steven, here is a WTF rule. Never wear jeans with a jacket and tie.

Finally, this is actress Jaime King as the LA premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time, wearing WTF bugbear Monse.

What the buggery bollocks is this supposed to be? And the back is even more nonsensical.

WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is absurd. Monse was clearly inspired by the scene in Singin’ in the Rain where the wonderful Donald O’Connor dances with a dummy. Only here, Jaime is the dummy for wearing this very silly dress.

Hallo Readers,

A very Happy Christmas to you all and Happy Holidays and WTF hopes you are all having a perfectly wonderful day. This is the first time that the Christmas Turkey has actually come out on Christmas Day and WTF is as excited as can be. If that is not the definition of serendipity, what is?

What you have here are 20 appalling fashion disasters from the last 6 months (since the WTF Summer Stinker 2015) and it is your task, dear Readers, to vote for as many of them as you like and, if you wish, to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes. There is none of that single transferable vote malarkey here – just go for it.

This year WTF has been strict and eliminated those people who are not actually wearing clothes at all – yes, you, Bai Ling as we have all had more than enough of seeing your lady-parts. Bai Ling joins TOWIE’s Bobby Norris, he of the cock sock, on the banned list. But there is horror in abundance awaiting you and all of the trends that WTF has railed against since the blog began – sheer fabrics showing your knickers, tits popping out like exploding grenades, men in ridiculous little jackets and too-short trousers that have had an argument with their ankles. It is all just terribly, terribly, terrible and it shows absolutely no sign of stopping.

OK Readers. Brace yourself. Here are the 20 candidates for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2015.

1. Alan Cumming, actor, wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Alan Cumming is in every Summer Stinker and Christmas Turkey Poll and this is why. Fine from the waist up, Charlie Chaplin from the waist down with the crotch at knee level. That must be the longest fly zip ever.

2. Britney Spears, singer, wearing Labourjoisie.

Tinkerbell with tits and tummy.  One is forced to conclude that Britney needed to take a size up. In fact, several sizes.

3. Ceelo Green, singer, wearing who knows what.

As WTF remarked at the time, if a barrel of gold bullion went to a pyjama party in sunglasses, this is what it would look like….

4. Charlotte Dawson, Z lister, wearing ReneK Couture and hideous Louboutins.

Charlotte is the daughter of the late comedian Les Dawson but this horrific concoction was absolutely no laughing matter. Put your minge away, love, no one wants to see it. And throw those hooves in the bin.

5. Frankie Grande, actor and Instagram Personality, wearing who knows what. 

WTF abhors violence but when you look at Frankie with his bulging lycra lunchbox, his golden chest and his multicoloured quiff, a slap is the only response of all right thinking people.

6. Gwen Stefani, singer, wearing Yousef Al-Jasmi.

Newly divorced from husband Gavin, who had been having it away with the nanny, Gwen took to the Red Carpet doing that “showing-him-what-he’s-missing” thing and looking like a translucent bat.

8. Jaime King, actress, wearing Monse.

This is a bizarre combination of a shirt for a giant, an ironing board, a bedsheet and a straitjacket. It is just about the weirdest dress that WTF ever did see in her life.

9. Jane Fonda, actress, wearing Balmain.

If you scroll down slowly, Jane looks great until you get to the voluminous, frilly pantaloons, resembling a Victorian doll. Just really bad.

9. Jeremy Scott, designer, wearing, er, Jeremy Scott.

Jeremy attended the Video Music Awards dressed as a Circus Ringmaster who had forgotten his shirt. Preposterous.

10. Jessica Stam, supermodel, wearing Francesco Scognamiglio.

Scognamiglio is a pest, designing über-sheer outfits that flatter no one. Jessica is protecting her modesty with a tit-garland and little black panties but the whole thing is an outrage.

11. Kim Kardashian, pointless celebrity, wearing Givenchy.

Kim and Givenchy are a lethal combination, like ammonia and vinegar. What is particularly galling is that Kim clearly thinks she looks klassy. Which she does not.

12. Miley Cyrus, singer, wearing Versace.

Yurgle. A chandelier with braces is not an outfit. It just isn’t. Even if you add dreadlocks and silver thigh-high boots.

13. Naomi Grossman, actress, wearing Jun Escada.

Naomi came to the Emmys dressed as a Friesian cow with visible bellybutton (which WTF hates almost above all things) and earrings the size of dinner plates.

14. Naomi Watts, actress, wearing  Faustino Puglisi.

What this supposed to be is anyone’s guess, but there is something very Wilma Flintstone about the green overlay skirt which has, unaccountably, been teamed with a perfectly nice lace black lace dress.

15. Rita Ora, singer and X Factor judge, wearing Emilio Pucci.

Like Alan Cumming, Rita is a permanent fixture in these polls. Frankly almost anything she wore in 2015 merited inclusion but this combination of floral miniskirt and boots was a real shocker. As WTF remarked at the time, those boots look like the decorated tentpoles in a wedding marquee.

16. Salma Hayek, actress, wearing Bottega Veneta.

This is unforgivable on almost every level. First, Salma’s husband owns bloody Bottega Veneta and so you would think she could have her pick of their collection. Second, it is unflattering. Third, the whole thing is ugly, like a rolled up surplus army tent worn with stupid sandals.

17. Shaun Ross, model, wearing Henrik Vibskov.

Shaun hit the Red Carpet dressed as an extra from Game of Thrones with white Birkenstocks. Ghastly.

18. Sofia Hayat, actress, wearing bondage.

Her tits have got their own Batman mask. And she looks poised to get her whip out and do someone serious damage with it.  

19. V Bozeman, singer and actress, wearing Zana Bayne.

V appears to be wearing a leather chastity belt and matching bra-harness. As WTF remarked at the time, a sadomasochist’s wet dream.

20. Z LaLa, wannabe, wearing who knows what.

She gets points for being covered up. But she loses points for being covered up a giant iridescent octopus costume and silly hat.

OK Readers. Get voting! A Happy New Year to you all and let us meet again, with the results of the Poll, on 8 January 2016. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Jeremy Corbyn made a right balls up of his reshuffle. Of course he did. He is King Midas in reverse, in that everything he touches turns to shit. One is beginning to wonder whether he could find his arse with two hands and a map. Only Corbyn could give his MPs a free vote on bombing Syria and then bristle like a brush when Hilary Benn, his Shadow Foreign Secretary, made a bravura speech expressing views diametrically opposite to his own. Labour Party policy is not what the Leader says it is, not least when he is too scared to put it to any form of vote. Benn has been allowed to keep his job but only if his expressed views align with his Leader’s. Only Corbyn could boot Maria Eagle, his Shadow Defence Secretary, out of her role because of her opposition to nuclear disarmament, despite appointing her only 4 months earlier in full knowledge of what those views were. Once again, nuclear disarmament is not Labour Party policy and at last autumn’s party conference, a motion supporting the abolition of Trident did not even make it onto the order paper. Only Corbyn could remove the defence portfolio and shunt Eagle into the Culture Media and Sport portfolio and then have his hatchet-faced press spokesman put it about that she was delighted at having such a “fun brief”. And only Corbyn could give the vacant Shadow Defence brief to Emily Thornberry (who is in fact WTF’s MP). You may recall that it was Thornberry who was booted out of little Ed Miliband’s Shadow Cabinet during the election for tweeting  disparagingly about a house in Rochester bedecked with a Union Jack and a white van parked in the drive. And she was campaigning there!!! Corbyn brought her back, having given the barrel a last scrape, and now here she is supporting his stance in the very week that the loonies in North Korea are claiming to have developed a nuclear capability.

It gets worse. Thornberry has been getting £14,500 a year from solicitors Leigh Day to fund a research assistant. Quite properly, she declared it in the Parliamentary Register of Members’ Interests but it is wholly inappropriate, both in her former role as Shadow Attorney General and in her current role as in Defence. A party spokesman on legal affairs should not be receiving money from a firm of solicitors. And the Shadow Defence Secretary should not be receiving money from a firm of solicitors bringing claims against the Ministry of Defence on behalf of civilians in Afghanistan and Iraq allegedly brutalised by British soldiers.

The right wing papers have of course gone raving mad with the newsprint positively damp from the spittle. Only yesterday, The Mail published a piece of splenetic drivel excoriating the head of Leigh Day as a dangerous lefty intent on destroying civilisation as we know it. Admittedly there are serious allegations against a Leigh Day solicitor for shredding documents due to be handed over to an inquiry into military conduct in Iraq which, if true, would be disgraceful. However, the piece went further, furious that claims were being brought at all. The gist of it appeared to be how very dare people injured, brutalised, beaten and tortured claim compensation at all when they should be bloody grateful we went in there to save them? Yes, we may have fucked up their country in the process but that’s war innit?

Be that howsoever it may be, Thornberry should be ashamed of herself. She need not be looking for handouts. She is the wife of a High Court Judge with a big fat property portfolio. On the other hand, she appears to have about as much common sense as most of Corbyn’s little gang…..

Turning to the week’s fashion foul-ups, we have a big fat bumper edition of the Golden Globes Red Carpet horrors and very horrible they were too. We start with actress Melissa McCarthy, wearing something of her own design.

Er…this is a bin bag. It may be worn with hideous fuck-me sandals and a sparkling clutch but it remains a bin bag. That is all.

Next up, we have actress Regina King wearing Krikor Jabolian.

WTF racked her brains before reaching the conclusion that Regina is encased in some very fancy-schmanzy gift wrap and an old nylon sheet, like kiddies when they are playing dress-up and pretending to be Tinkerbell.

This is Vampire Diaries star Denis O’Hare.

You have to admit it….he has got your attention. He should also get the attention of healthcare professionals. Stat.

WTF is sorry to announce the arrival of proper film star Jane Fonda, wearing Yves St Laurent.

WTF has just returned from a splendid sojourn in Northern Spain and this dress reminds her of the undulating pantiles on the roof of a rustic hacienda. Being the consummate professional she is, Jane is putting on a brave smile but even an double Oscar winner cannot fool us into believing that wearing this is a good idea.

Then there was singer Charli XCX wearing Jaime Lee. What the hell she was doing there, WTF cannot say.

Charli looks like a burlesque dancer waiting for her cue whilst that “skirt” is hanging over her arse like a badly dressed table.

There are of course no surprises in featuring Heidi Klum, here wearing Marchesa.

Heidi is dressed as a particularly hairy grey yeti with tits. Who knows why?

OK Readers, brace yourselves because the dresses just get worse. For example, here is TV reality star, Whitney Port, wearing (who else?) Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

Why is this even happening? No honestly, what IS this? It is surprisingly covered up for the Minge Maestro. WTF’s main objection is more basic.  It is dog ugly.

They keep on coming…. meet actress Bellamy Young, Melly Grant in one of WTF’s favourite TV shows, Scandal, wearing Solace London.

Scandal is what this dress is and those tits are flatter than a couple of pancakes. 

This is actress and WTF regular Jaime King, wearing Monse.

On seeing this picture a Glaswegian friend posed the question, “What is she, a fucking zebra?” And was he wrong?

We encounter Russian model Masha Rudenko. This one doesn’t even count as clothes……

Masha used to hang about with tortoise-face Mick Jagger despite the fact that he was about 50 years older than her. And now Mick’s ex-wife, Jerry Hall, is marrying another tortoise face, Rupert Murdoch, who is older than time. As for this “outfit”, who needs undies anyway? Just put double floral bits over your bits…

Finally, here she is again. I refer to that aristocratic waste of oxygen Lady Victoria Hervey, wearing Ali Karoui.

Oh please. Where are the tumbrils when you need them? There has to be more to being a celebrity than getting your bony bits out. And I mean bony…

She has more bones than an overstuffed ossuary. And then there is the matter of the rear view…..

Sigh. Those arse cheeks are out again. Every year is worse than the previous one. Just go away…..

WTF is celebrating another victory after last week’s It’s Got To Go, to whit Sir Philip Dilley of the Environment Agency, went. And good riddance. Let us hope for equal success with this week’s nomination, which can be taken shortly. The late, lamented David Bowie had spoken in favour of maintaining the union during the Scottish Referendum. To some morons, this meant he deserved to die of cancer and they took to Twitter exulting in his demise. And if that is not enough to hope for a Yes vote next round, what is?

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

In one of WTF’s favourite films, The Fugitive, starring one of WTF’s favourite actors, Tommy Lee Jones, a train has crashed and several prisoners (including Harrison Ford, who is of course innocent) have escaped from the bus it crashed into. Tommy and other US marshals are called to the scene. Despite the prison guard taking the credit for saving his partner (it was Harrison, not him) and his insistence that all the prisoners were dead, a pair of leg irons comes to light in the wreckage. Tommy fixes the prison guard with a gimlet stare and exclaims “Oh. Wow. Gee Whiz. Looky here. You know we’re always fascinated when we find leg irons with no legs in them”. Similarly, WTF is fascinated by the idea of nuclear submarines with nothing nuclear in them. Who wouldn’t be? This concept was advanced by Jeremy Corbyn as a way of maintaining employment after the abolition of Trident. So our talented union boys will build more of them and then our gallant naval lads will take to sea and float around pretending to have a nuclear capability, even though everyone knows that they don’t. The idea behind this, apparently, is to appease the unions who are opposed to job losses. A burglar or stick-up merchant might be fooled by a CCTV camera without film in it or an alarm box minus the necessary gubbins, but over in Moscow or Pyongyang, the odds would be viewed as rather better than even. No doubt, Jezza’s next proposal will be to give soldiers fake ammunition and to remove the engines from our aircraft. Hey, we could extend this to hospitals and employ dinner ladies to serve plastic food to patients. Oh hang on…..they already do.

Meanwhile, Labour’s enquiry into Trident is underway, chaired by the new Shadow Defence Secretary Emily Thornberry, on whom we dwelt last week. She has taken over the reins from Ken Livingstone who was previously in charge, despite being neither a sitting MP nor a peer and has about as much military experience as WTF’s left buttock.  Not that Thornberry is exactly GI Jane. Given that her views are the same as Livingstone’s and Corbyn’s, there is as much chance of her recommending the retention of Trident as of finding Elvis serving you a Whopper with extra cheese at Burger King in Neasden. The word ‘fixed’ has insufficient nuance. Were Mr Justice Nugee (a.k.a Thornberry’s husband) to hear a case about such an enquiry or tribunal in the High Court, he would probably conclude that it was unfair. Just saying. 

We turn to the week’s sartorial sluice bucket, starting with Kate Hudson and Jack Black at the premiere of their new movie King Fu Panda 3 (they provide the voices).  Kate is wearing Atelier Versace. The provenance of Jack’s suit is unknown.

Jack’s clearly believes that buttoning your jacket makes you look less pudgy, when actually the reverse is true. Kate’s expression is probably a reaction to her foul, one-legged onesie, which does not fit around the crotch, or for that matter anywhere else, and is split up one leg.

WTF’s view on a split-leg onesie is simple. Wear trousers or wear a skirt. Shit or get off the pot. That is all there is to be said about one-legged onesies.

To London and the National TV Awards, always a rich source of nastiness. It was 2 degrees centigrade but there was a great deal of orange flesh on show. We start with actress Michelle Keegan, formerly off Corrie.

Michelle appears to be wearing a back to front bib. This might be useful for a lactating mother but Michelle is neither lactating nor a mother. WTF knows these things because there is no aspect of Michelle’s life, or that of Mark Wright, her equally citrus-coloured spouse, that does not get into the papers.

Then there was chat show host Graham Norton wearing Tom Ford. Tom Ford!

He looks like a lava lamp. This is further proof, not that proof was required, that Tom Ford has gone right down the pan and gurgled round the bend. 

And then there was soap actress Jorgie Porter. No one has owned up to making this, and no wonder. Would you?

She looks like a blow-up, space-age, silvery sex doll. Titsy, tacky and tawdry. Actually, it isn’t even that good. 

The shoes! And what seems to be the now-mandatory arse cheeks! If the producers of Star Trek want to branch out into pokeable plastic adult toys, they need look no further for the prototype. 

To the Critics’ Choice Awards in Santa Monica. WTF is beginning to fear that Melissa McCarthy is going to be a permanent fashion disaster on every Awards Special this year if she keeps on wearing her own ghastly creations.

She has used 1970’s olive green patterned curtains to create army camouflage.  But it is no good. We can still see her. Melissa – we are in the middle of Awards Season.  You will going up and down the Red Carpet like a fiddler’s elbow. Go shopping. WTF does not want to have to see you here again.

Top actors Damian Lewis and wife Helen McCrory were there too. She is wearing Burberry. He is wearing an Armani jacket and Burberry trousers.

She is dressed as a designer grasshopper with squiggles and sporting a Hitler hairstyle. He is dressed like a high class undertaker. Well, he did go to Eton….

This is Australian actress Abbey Lee, starring in Mad Max – Fury Road, wearing Balmain.

Either she has no nipples or she is wearing a bra under the latticework but either way, it is deeply disturbing, a sort of titsy trompe l’oeil mindfuck. Below the waist, matters are yet more confusing with a suspended latticework thigh window and more frills than a Flamenco dancers’ fiesta.

Finally, we have actress and newlywed Jennifer Aniston, wearing St Laurent.

This flopfest is St Laurent? Were the lights off in the workroom? When WTF’s late dad had a heart valve replacement 35 years ago, his chest was sewn up with wire. The front seam here looks just like WTF’s dad, only worse, and his scar wasn’t couture. Then there is Jen’s built-in frilly cocktail napkin, which is nether use nor ornament.  Not to mention the quim curtain, which is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment. Just very bad.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne Ridley from Jedburgh who has highlighted this example of extreme food wankiness. The customer asked the waiter for a black coffee and got this, whereupon someone tweeted it.

No, honestly, this is too much.  Why is everything culinary now so pretentious? Why is everything not out of a packet deemed “artisinal”? Why is it served in a test tube? It’s coffee, for Gawd’s sake, not a cure for Alzheimer’s. The only thing it is testing is WTF’s patience. Big time.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments rolling in to cheer WTF up in this cold weather and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Google has just paid the Revenue £130m in corporation tax, a sum purportedly covering the past decade. On an estimated profit of £7.2bn for the same period. Chancellor Osborne was quick to claim credit for “a major success of our tax policy”. No. 10 was noticeably more circumspect and Tories various were openly critical, with good reason. Everyone did the maths and realised that Google had actually paid tax at a rate of about 3%, whilst the French authorities are currently negotiating a settlement with Google which is three times bigger on a much smaller turnover. Cameron and Osborne then backed so far away from the deal they were ankle deep in the Channel, denying all prior knowledge of it. HMRC says it cannot discuss individual cases, but Jim Harra, Head of Business Tax, maintains he is happy to stand by the agreement.  To add insult to injury, Harra earns some £400,000, including £235,000 paid into his pension pot. At Prime Minister’s Questions, Dave huffed and puffed and ranted on about how the Labour Government had never got any money out of Google so Corbyn should phone up Tony Blair or Gordon Brown and ask them about that. (Answer – they wouldn’t take his call and he would rather dip his head in a bucket of shit than make it). WTF would also observe that as Dave has been Prime Minister since 2010, “it’s all Labour’s fault” will not wash.

Of course, as is always the case with this Government, Dave and Georgie-boy have been tucked up under the metaphorical sheets with the main players. Google chief Eric Schmidt was Cameron’s business adviser between 2009 and 2014. Former Google PR Rachel Whetstone is married to his former chief strategist, Steve Hilton, and is godmother to one of Cameron’s sons. Joanna Shields, another former Google bigwig, is now Baroness Shields (ennobled, of course by Cameron) and his Internet Security Minister. Google executives have been in and out of Downing Street and Government departments 24 times; and those are just the meetings we know about. The stink is worse than a kennel of flatulent foxhounds. 

At the root of all this is tax avoidance and whether Google has a base in this country or in Ireland – it registers its UK sales there because the taxes are lower. That Google is building a huge new office in London to replace the three it already owns should be answer enough, but the labyrinth of companies and sub-companies and sub-sub-companies is more complex than the one Daedalus built to contain the Minotaur. Of course, that one was built to keep something in whereas this one was constructed by the well-known accounting firm Shyster & Shyster to keep the taxman out. If the law can be avoided, then change the law. If companies want to flog advertising here,  pay taxes like anyone else or bugger off elsewhere. Google, as Starbucks and Amazon did before it, bleats that it brings employment but so what? It also makes money here.  Dave is very fond of telling us that public funds are our money, not the Government’s, which means that unpaid tax is also our money, or would be if the bastards ever paid it.  Was interest charged? Were penalties charged? The ordinary defaulter would be clobbered with both. Did Google get a discount because of friends in high places?  There is a public register of tax avoided but it simply gives a global figure. Time for facts and figures. We need to know.

To the week’s sartorial sinkhole. Melissa McCarthy is not in this week but only because there was no red carpet for her to walk. Let us start instead with a glorious example of British womanhood, TV reality “star” Chloe Ferry from the shag-fest show, Geordie Shore, wearing House of CB at a launch for hair pieces.

There is a pony on Dartmoor without its tail. Probably several ponies. Given her admitted penchant for cosmetic surgery, it is difficult to identify which bits of Chloe are in fact her own, although she maintains that her boobs are as Nature intended. She is certainly giving us an eyeful of them in this hideous, slithery, housecoat. As for the plumped up lips, they resemble a couple of rubber tyres lately driven through a pile of putrid plums.

Next, we travel to the Producers’ Guild Awards where we find excellent actress Sarah Paulson wearing Prabal Gurung.

Er… she looks as if someone eating tomato-based foodstuffs has just thrown up on her. A vomit-strewn sack would not be most people’s look of choice. Or, by the look of her, Sarah’s. On the plus side, the shoes are pretty.

To Paris Fashion Week where, as usual, nonsense was in abundance.  First up is Russian supermodel and billionaire’s wife, Elena Perminova, wearing Valentino at Valentino.

Here are the reasons why WTF has taken against this dress. First, it is shit-coloured. Second, the feathery things make her look like a duck with cuffs.  Third, the jewelled tits are like half-closed eyes. Fourth, you can clearly see her nipple pasties AND her panties. And fifth, those bootees are the pits. Any one of them would have been enough.

Here is another model, Gigi Hadid, leaving her hotel in One Diamond trashed jeans.

In fairness, the jeans have been extensively re-trashed by Gigi so that there is hardly anything left of them at all. To describe them as trashed would be like describing war-torn Dresden as damaged – this was an all-out carpet-bomb mission. The coat and shirt are, however, lovely.

She’s here again! Yes, it’s one of our most regular regulars, Rita Ora, wearing Versace at Versace.

On being asked for his opinion on this outfit, friend Michael remarked “how could I like it? Most of it is missing”. WTF would add that she hates a visible groin almost above all things and also wishes to mention that Rita is trussed up like a rotisserie chicken – and is about the same colour.

Then there was rapper Iggy Azalea attending the Viktor & Rolf show and wearing their creation and putrid pink hair.

Yikes! Why bother to wear a top at all? Or, for that matter, a skirt? And why is she carrying her cat on a chain?

We conclude with perennial offender, fashion victim and Formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton, wearing Louis Vuitton.

As Big John at the gym remarked, he looks like a bad bedspread. A pink and baby blue bomber jacket with little pastel-striped cuffs and embroidered birdies. Uber-shiny trousers last seen on Al Pacino at his son’s communion party in Godfather 2. Super-bright hi-top trainers. Plus the bling on wrists and ears. No wonder he is wearing sunglasses.  Major Tim Peake must have spotted the glare from outer space.

But dud of the week is undoubtedly this one. Meet actress Liana Mendoza, attending the premiere of the movie Fifty Shades of Black, wearing Rouba G.

Liana stars in the TV show American Horror Story and this outfit certainly is one. Indeed, it is one of the worst things WTF has ever seen. A titsy truss worn under a leaded light window with its own built-in fly screen. Why would you even think of wearing it?

Last week’s It’s Got To Go featured extreme food wankiness in the form of black coffee served in a test tube.  WTF aficionado Justified Sinner (aka @wringhim) then alerted   WTF to  @wewantplates, which has been campaigning against the nonsensical trend of serving food on anything other than plates – jam jars, mini frying baskets, roof slates, plant pots, trays and even skateboards. But of all of them, in WTF’s opinion this is the nadir.

A penile pickle wedged into the bottom of a Russian doll. Not only is it unsanitary, it is preposterous and clear evidence of objectophilia. A team of psychologists should be rushing to the aid of the lunatic foodies responsible for this outrage. Readers, be vigilant! This whole trend has most definitely Got To Go. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments rolling in which keep WTF in good spirits in the face of extreme provocation, (yes I mean you, Diego Costa and your horrible, cheating, Chelsea teammates), and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

Samantha Cameron recently appeared on Great British Sports Relief Bake Off for charity. Sam knocked up some crab vols au vent, a Paris Brest (which did quite not go to plan) and, as her showstopper, a blue-iced cake with waves, a rosette, surf boards and ripe strawberries hidden inside. She sailed through her round with the judges showering her with praise. Paul Hollywood was so effusive that WTF suspected that he must have been after a place on the June Honours List.

Now imagine that Dave were to invite his posh mates from the Chipping Norton set round for one of his “country suppers”, promising them his wife’s winning cake for pudding. They cancel other plans. They set SKY+ to record Call the Midwife. They book the babysitter. But when they get to the dessert, there is a cake with blue icing, yes;  but there are no waves, no rosette, no surf boards and bugger all strawberries. In short, they have been conned.

So it is with Dave’s negotiations with the European Union. Sam may have messed up her Paris Brest but for Dave, it is going tits up. Dave promised that the government would stop in-work benefits for EU migrants  until they had been here for four years. Instead, he got some inchoate verbiage that in “situations of inflows of workers from other member states of an exceptional magnitude”, limits can be imposed – the so-called emergency brake that no one knows when and how to use. (Bye-bye waves). He promised to “end the ability of EU jobseekers to claim any job-seeking benefits at all”, adding that “if jobseekers have not found a job within six months, they will be required to leave”. In fact it had already been agreed before these talks that new arrivals would have to leave if they were still jobless after six months, but they can still claim job seeking benefits after three months.  (Bye-bye rosette). As for stopping child benefit or child tax credits where the children did not live in the UK. That didn’t happen either. (Bye-bye surfboards). He did make some progress on sovereignty, getting acknowledgement that the UK was not committed to closer political integration but he has not achieved formal recognition of the EU having multiple currencies and has not repatriated EU social and employment law. (There go the strawberries….)

Dave promised us that he would support leaving unless we got satisfaction. Of course, he did not mean it.  It was all a charade to be seen to be doing something, to offer a bone to the rabid Euro-sceptics in his party and to the UKIP voters outside it. But they do not want his bone.  As WTF’s mother used to say, they spit themselves on his bone. They know that Dave was never going to deliver. They know that you do not go into negotiations when the other side knows you do not intend to hold out, even if you say you do, which you don’t. It is difficult to decide whether one is more scornful of the dishonesty of the exercise or the failure to carry it off. If you were a guest in Dave’s kitchen, you would reclaim your bottle of wine or artisanal sea-salted caramels from the hall table and leave in disgust.

We turn to the weeks sartorial scrapings, all from the Screen Actors Guild Awards where  some serious assaults were perpetrated on our eyeballs. Here is the roll-call of infamy.

 Julianne Moore wearing Givenchy.

WTF has never seen the point of chartreuse, whether drinking it or wearing it, and she deeply dislikes this crinkled, iridescent dress with built-in tit bandage. It looks some sort of sari petticoat gone very wrong….

The winner of the Best Actress award on the night, Brie Larson wearing Versace.

The colour is pretty (and matches her award). The sandals are good. But it is creased. It has a tit window. And it is held together with iron clips. The back is weird as well.

The seams are puckered and there is some of sort of industrial hoist strap. Is this Donatella’s homage to the working class – they can look at it but they cannot afford it? Not that they would want to…

Christina Hendricks wearing Christian Siriano, and her husband Geoffrey Arend.

Geoffrey (who is in Madam Secretary)  is wearing a teeshirt with a star underneath his DJ. WTF suspects that he may have spilled something on his formal shirt before leaving home and therefore had to put his skateboarding teeshirt on again. As for his lovely wife, she is swathed in more damask than the French windows in a dowager’s drawing room.

Eva Longoria wearing WTF bugbear Julien Macdonald.

At first sight, WTF assumed that Eva had come straight from a costume fitting for her role as the crocodile in Peter Pan.

Then she saw the back view…

Someone should have pulled that “in-case-of-emergency” cord and alerted the authorities that Eva looks like a peekaboo reptile with a bad zip.

Michael Shannon, nominated for the movie 99 Houses. (The bombshell behind him in shocking pink is Sofia Vergara wearing Vera Wang with her new husband Joe Manganiello. Both of whom look good).

It is hard to look bad in black tie but Michael has managed it. He resembles a waiter in an ill-fitting, shit-coloured jacket.

Carol Burnett wearing Bob Mackie and Ugg slippers.

Carol is 82 and was a trailblazer for female comediennes so WTF is going to overlook the suit. But not the UGGs. Or the bare legs. In fact, particularly the bare legs.

Susan Sarandon wearing MaxMara, and her daughter Eva Amurri Martino in Gabriela Cadena.

This breaks WTF’s heart. She loves Susan. 69 years old and sassy as hell. But that suit will not do. The trousers have been tacked up by a chimpanzee as part of an animal experiment and hang aimlessly above her ankles. And whilst Susan has a magnificent pair of knockers, we do not want to see her bra. As for Eva, she needs an iron, a hairbrush and the next size up.

Melora Hardin from top TV show Transparent. No one has owned up to designing this dress. Would you?

This is a mullet dress made out of a kiddie’s bedspread. It has duck faces on it. What is occurring?

Lori Petty wearing Lord knows what.

Lori played a nutter in Orange is the New Black and she seems to be still in character. A Pink crop jacket and voluminous trousers are not the new Red Carpet.  Someone should have grabbed those dangling straps and hauled her away – for her own good.

And finally, Kate Mara wearing Valentino.

Oh dear.

Oh very dear. Suspending bits of tulle from a giant curtain ring and wrapping a couple of cheap fabric belts around your waist does not make this a dress.  Just. Very. Bad.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado BJ from Ealing. So cogent is her complaint  that WTF will set it out verbatim. It concerns the petty trick whereby petrol is not advertised at its real cost (which in the sign pictured is of course 109p a litre), but less one tenth of a penny per litre.

It is a patronising, untrue and  treats the consumer as a gullible fool. If I put a couple of litres in my spare jerry-can, will they give me two-tenths of a pence in change? I think not, because it doesn’t exist as currency. It is not the money that is objectionable – what is exasperating is the assumption that we can be led around so easily, like idiots. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments rolling in  and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

When is a rape not a rape? You see, some of us take the view that rape happens when a man penetrates you without your consent. Like when you’re asleep. Like when, before falling asleep, you make it clear that you will never have sex with him without a condom and wake up to find that he is having sex with you and when asked “are you wearing something?”, he replies (revoltingly)  “yes, you”. But apparently we are wrong.  Once a man is in bed with you, once he has had sex with you, he does not have to go through the palaver of asking you again. He has what former MP George Galloway ever-so-delicately once called the “right of insertion” in “the sex game”. Perhaps the right of insertion is enshrined in the European Charter of Human Rights. I must check…

What has been so depressing about the Julian Assange saga is the chauvinism directed at his alleged victims by those ever-so-anxious to defend our little hero. Even Assange does not maintain that the women were CIA plants, but says they were pushed or persuaded by the police into alleging rape (because they are so malleable, they have no mind of their own). To his supporters, they are honeytraps. If they are telling the truth, so what? It is not rape anyway. And even if it is rape, (and Swedish law is quite clear that it is), Assange protests his innocence and his word should be accepted because he says the US is out to get him. His supporters claim that the women did not initially complain of rape, although  Women W had rape kit and HIV tests in hospital almost immediately. And the triumphant tone in which it is pointed out that one woman seems to have recanted overlooks the fact that both complainants have been named, shamed, accused and abused across the world.

If this is a conspiracy, it is pretty inept. Had Sweden wanted to extradite Assange to the US (which has neither sought extradition nor formulated charges), the Extradition Treaty between the two countries does not permit it. It would not have dragged its feet as it has. The claims by one woman are now statute barred and other has until 2020 before her rape claim will be. Those who say “he has not even been charged” do not understand, and have never bothered to look at, Swedish criminal process. Anya Palmer explained all this very cogently in her blog at the time. Yes, UK law has now changed but not with retrospective effect. As for the UN Working Group on Arbitrary Detention, hailed by Assange and his supporters as a “sweet victory”, it is not a court but a committee of human rights lawyers. Three found for Assange, a fourth dissented and a fifth recused herself. The report held that he was arbitrarily detained in the UK, first in custody, then under house arrest and now in the Embassy, whence he cannot emerge without being arrested. Except that he was detained under a European Arrest Warrant, a process upheld by Supreme Court Judges in the UK and Sweden. Except that he was on bail and staying in a mansion and never under house arrest. Except that he jumped bail, leaving his sureties short by £240,000, to seek refuge in the Ecuadorian Embassy, a country inimical to the very press freedom he himself espouses.

Look, Readers, here’s the thing. You can hate the US and view it as the great Satan. You can celebrate Assange’s achievements in telling us stuff Governments would otherwise have covered up. You can view him as a hero. You can overlook his manifest shortcomings as a man. But rape is a serious offence. These women are not collateral damage in the fight for freedom or against the US. They may or they may not be telling the truth. But they both deserved to be heard.

**************************************

And now to the roundup of the week’s Red Carpet rubbish, starting with actress Alison Brie at the premiere of her new movie How to be Single, wearing Monse.

The back is worse.

We recently saw Jaime King wearing a ridiculous Monse creation with redundant shirtsleeves and stupid cuffs and now here is more Monsense. Shirtsleeves on a strapless dress are about as much use as an inflatable dart board. And  it is too short. 

This is Scandal co-star Darby Stanchfield at the NCAAP Image Awards, wearing Yanina Couture.

The poor woman is under attack by a swarm of insects. 

Quick! Call for Rentokil!

Last weekend was the Super Bowl. WTF loathes American Football, which is basically an excuse for men padded like overstuffed sofas to do each other a mischief. And it goes on for BLOODY HOURS. Here is Antonio Brown from the Pittsburgh Steelers at the ESPN party. 

Antonio looks like one of the nastier sofas in the DFS sale (although those studs would hurt your bum). What is that dangling strap thing? Is he ready for a spot of sadism? This ridiculous ensemble is rounded off with more gold than in a Hatton Garden safety deposit box and a “mun” (man-bun) closely resembling a burnt teacake.

Say hallo to actress Kristen Wiig at the premiere of Zoolander 2 wearing Marc Jacobs.

Actually, say goodbye. The last time WTF saw shoulders like that, they were on Antonio Brown playing for the Steelers. The whole thing looks like a badly faded curtain with water damage and a lipstick mark.

Naomi Campbell was also there, wearing La Perla underwear and not much else.

This falls squarely into the category of That’s Not Even Clothes. Parading about in your scanties is not an outfit. Not even at all.

We now find ourselves at the Valentino show at New York Fashion Week and encounter philanthropist Linda Ramone, widow of the fabled Johnny Ramone, and singer J D King, both presumably clad in Valentino.

Good grief. What a pair of prats. She looks like a fallen angel in a feathery top hat.  He looks like Charles 1’s head has been photoshopped onto the body of a fin de siècle fop.

To the Goya Film Awards in Madrid, where sartorial shockingness abounded. First up we have French actress Juliette Binoche, wearing Loewe.

The too-tight, titsy, two-tone dress with a pattern like an outbreak of vitiglio is dismal and the silvery tinsel fashioned into a leg-lantern is simply not to be borne. 

And this is Spanish comedienne Yolanda Ramos wearing Marcos Souza Couture.  WTF won’t lie to you. This one is VERY BAD.

Yolanda may be a comedienne but these pink lace genitalia curtains, worn with a dressing gown knitted from poodle hair, are no laughing matter. 

But the worst of the week, by some distance, is “Author, Model, Philanthropist, Mentor..” Anita Hawkins, who is married to former Baseball Player, LaTroy Hawkins. Anita is wearing…..actually, WTF has no idea at all what she is wearing. 

THIS ONE IS REALLY, REALLY APPALLING.  PUT ON YOUR SUNGLASSES BEFORE PROCEEDING FURTHER. AND HAVE A SICK BAG AND SOME NEUROFEN CLOSE AT HAND.

It is only February, granted, but this must be a shoo-in for the WTF Summer Stinker 2016. Anita may be CEO and Founder of “Find One Reason to Smile” but turning up dressed not just as a clown but as the whole circus tent is taking things too literally. There is more camel toe than a caravan of camels and more strobing than an industrial-strength stroboscope.  Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Anna from Lambeth.  It is set out verbatim. Why has the whole world suddenly decided that we should all be going out in our nightclothes?  Initially I thought it was just ill-advised parents dropping their kids off at school in Darlington, but to my horror, I stumbled across a multi-page “fashion” spread in this week’s Stylist featuring skinny models lounging around in silken jammies posing as daywear.  If it’s sold as pyjamas, you shouldn’t be going out in it.  End of.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments rolling in which will lift WTF’s spirits, what with all this wind and rain and cold. Oh, and please keep sending those top quality suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Hallo Readers,

It is time to consider the rise and rise of priapic Mayor of London and Prime-Minister-in-Waiting, Boris Johnson MP. Boris is known to be, in no particular order, unprincipled, a bull-shitter, a liar and an adulterer. Having promised Londoners not to seek election as an MP until after his second term as Mayor, he promptly reneged on that promise and grabbed the safe seat of Uxbridge and South Ruislip in 2015. Once elected, he attended Cabinet meetings, despite holding no official role. Boris once compared his chances of becoming Prime Minister to his being reincarnated as an olive and if that is not enough to put you off tapenade, nothing is. But when Cameron announced that he would not continue as PM after the 2020 election, things looked up for our portly hero and now that Dave’s EU deal has proved to be all piss and wind and false promises, backbenchers are baying for his blood, incensed at remaining under the yoke of Johnny Foreigner. Dave might find himself retired rather earlier than 2020, perhaps even before the referendum this year. With the Chancellor and the Home Secretary backing Dave, the stage is set for a dissenting Boris to  seize power. Readers, there is a real possibility that within months, Boris and Mrs Johnson, should she still be talking to him, and their children Lara Lettice, Milo Arthur, Cassia Peaches and Theodore Apollo, will be waving at us from the front door of Number 10 whilst Pickfords unload their furniture round the back. At which point, frankly, we are all fucked.

Like that other politician with silly hair, Donald Trump, the buffoonery disguises something – and someone – rather nasty. In a speech in 2013, he told us “it is surely relevant to a conversation about equality that as many as 16 per cent of our species have an IQ below 85, while about 2 per cent have an IQ above 130,” adding “I don’t believe that economic equality is possible; indeed, some measure of inequality is essential for the spirit of envy and keeping up with the Joneses and so on that it is a valuable spur to economic activity.” The Times sacked him for falsifying a quote (from his own godfather, who then complained to the editor) and Michael Howard sacked him from his Shadow Cabinet for lying about getting a mistress pregnant. The London Evening Standard kept up a sustained assault on his predecessor as Mayor, helping Boris to win the election in 2008; since then, the then-editor and the two main journalists have got plum jobs in Boris’ administration. He is a shocker.  

And yet this week the headline news was that like Barkis in David Copperfield, Dave, indeed the Nation, is waiting for an answer – will Boris accept Dave’s half-baked Euro proposal and support him? During the Olympics, Boris got stuck on a zip-wire and dangled like a highwayman on a gibbet, shouting “Yikes!” Now Dave is the one dangling, hoping Boris will cut him down. But Boris is still considering his position, which we know will be decided not by principle but by self-interest. Apparently, one in three citizens are waiting to see which way Boris decides before making up their own mind. Which, if true, is a damning indictment of those citizens.  And bad news for the rest of us.

**************************************

To the week’s clothing cesspit. First, the BAFTAS in London and Rebel Wilson wearing Marina Rinaldi.

Cue Mrs Danvers, the evil housekeeper in Rebecca, wearing a mullet skirt. All she needs is a set of keys and some firelighters.

Next up, we have Laura Haddock wearing vintage Givenchy.

Yes, Laura is a new mother but that is no reason for her to dress as the bear that buggers Leonardo di Caprio in The Revenant.

And finally from the BAFTAS, Stefanie Powers (of Hart to Hart fame) wearing Jacques Azagury.

This is more taxidermy than couture. Stefanie is a splendid 73 years old but no one can carry off  couple of dead turkeys on their shoulders unless they are a meat porter.

And now the GRAMMYs, kicking off with country singer Sam Hunt wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

This is a rumpled raspberry ripple. And look at his hands in his pockets … you would think Freddy Kruger’s digits were in there.

Taylor Swift won a hatful of awards on the night, but she wins nothing for this typically vulgar Atelier Versace creation.

First, it isn’t a dress, it’s a bandeau bikini (admittedly in great colours) with a voluminous beach wrap. Second, she is flashing her knickers like a naughty schoolgirl. 

Here’s Bonnie McKee wearing Bullet Apparel by Jim Tanner.

Like the Tin Man in a pink wig and tart’s trotters. Those shoes are a whole It’s Got To Go on their own.

This is rapper Wiz Khalifa wearing something very silly.

Fred Astaire might have looked like this, had his trousers shrunk in the wash and his blisters prevented him from donning his patent pumps.

Now we meet Skylar Grey wearing Filipino designer Cary Santiago.

A face emerging from your lady areas is just plain disturbing. She seems to giving birth to one child whilst its twin is looking out of the tit window. Yurgle.

Talk about a rave from the grave. Here are Johnny Depp, Joe Perry and Alice Cooper. Joe is also wearing Bullet Apparel by Jim Tanner. Shame Bonnie wasn’t wearing Joe’s outfit.

Alice looks like he has been exhumed. Joe looks ace. Johnny looks like a total knob. Again.

This next one is utter madness. I refer to Canadian music producer Shawn Everett with his award for Best Engineered Album (Sound & Color by Alabama Shakes).

Shawn himself has been engineered from the various parts of a hippie, an Amish, a psychedelic schoolgirl and a lumberjack. With bizarre results.

And now here come the real attention seekers and arse flashers. We start with Cameroonian singer Dencia, wearing a customised pink onesie and preposterous boots. 

The outfit is disturbingly similar to the sort of thing worn by the late, unlamented Jimmy Savile. This appears to be a sort of mobile toy tidy with crystal crotch. And someone has barfed on her boots.

And how about  Z Lala in this ridiculous ensemble?

The last time we saw her, she was dressed as an octopus at the AMAs.  This time, she is in a bra and whips with a hat fashioned from an upturned basket. Perhaps she had been out on the lash when she designed it.

Gasp at Jacqueline van Bierk, wearing Andre Soriano.

This is more berk than Bierk. If an evil fairy went to a fancy dress party dressed an ink-splat, this is what she would look like.  As for the shoes, WTF prefers not to speak of them.

Jacqueline’s best pal is another serial flasher, Joy Villa, also wearing Andre Soriano. This Andre Soriano is a pest.

At the 2015 Grammys, Joy wore an Andre Soriano outfit composed of orange traffic netting and would have won the WTF Summer Stinker 2015 had it not been for TOWIE’s Bobby Norris and his revolting cock sock. This time, she is dressed as set of iron railings with a train. What will next year bring? Speed cameras?

Finally, Manika Ward, wearing not enough.

And….literally…here is the rear.

WARNING!!!!! BARE ARSE ALERT!!!!!! LOG OFF IF YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE OFFENDED!!!!!!

Manika had a hit feat. (that’s featuring for you fogies) rapper Tyga, called I Might Go Lesbian.  Looking at this get-up, WTF Might Go Mental. Why bother with a seamstress? Just wrap some tinsel over your bits and you’re ready.

This week’s It’s Got To Go seems to have hit a bum note with many of you. The BBC went bonkers with its coverage of the discovery of gravitational waves and bored us to death with it. In WTF’s view, this is a story about scientists you’ve never heard of who have found something you don’t care about and can’t understand. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments rolling in to cheer WTF up, as she is feeling very nervous about Tottenham Hotspur winning the League, not to mention Boris becoming PM. And please keep sending your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x