Hallo Readers,
What sort of lawyer do you get when you are not prepared to pay your bills or to allow your attorney to behave rationally? Answer – you get Michael Cohen. You get Rudy Giuliani. You get Sidney Powell. You get Jenna Ellis. All of whom have been sanctioned by their respective state bar associations. And all of whom face or faced criminal charges, as does Professor John Eastman, another sycophantic idiot. And now, when even those options are unavailable by reason of disbarment and/or plea-bargaining and/or bankruptcy and/or facing trial, what is left? Answer – Alina Habba. Like Ellis, Habba is (newly) blonde, pretty and slender, a MAGA prototype like Nepotism Barbie (Ivanka Trump) or Propaganda Barbie (Kayleigh McEnany). Now we have Legal Barbie. Like Ellis, she is willing to sell whatever there might once have been of her soul for the joys of being permanently in the public eye and the darling of morons on social media. And like Ellis, she seems to have zero experience of proper law but has not let that stop her in any way from bringing or advancing a number of nonsensical legal claims on behalf of her client, one Donald J. Trump. On Wednesday, the judge tried to intervene 14 times as Hubba showed a lack of trial experience, at one point, telling her to go away and refresh her memory on the rules of procedure about introducing evidence. Other than holding up a sign reading ‘you’re really rubbish at this’ he could not have done more to demonstrate his contempt.
Habba has a dual role, as lawyer for his election organisation, SaveAmerica and also as its spokesperson, and she seems unable to distinguish between the two, even in court. She is currently representing Trump as the defendant to a libel claim, namely that he called E Jean Carroll a liar for claiming that he had raped her many years ago in a Bergdorf Goodman changing room. Having failed to show for the trial (and lost bigly), he continued to defame her and is now facing another trial for damages. This time, he lumbers menacingly into the courtroom, scowls and mutters loud imprecations leading to a rebuke from the judge, before stomping out and heading for the campaign trail. Habba, faced with a real judge, as opposed to an adoring right-wing TV interviewer, is finding that pouting her plumped fishlips and stamping her Jimmy Choos is just not cutting it. Nor is addressing the judge while still sitting down. Nor is repeating the same bullshit over and over again, refusing to take no for an answer. Nor is emulating her employer and complaining about the way the judge speaks to her. Her cross-examination is also falling flat, which, in essence, appears to be a suggestion to a rape victim that by libelling her, Trump did her a favour by getting her name into the headlines and reviving a flagging career. And that because she is a Democrat, she deserves everything that is coming to her. Unfortunately for Habba, what is coming to Carroll is probably another $5m to go with the $5m she was awarded last time. What is coming to Habba is probably a referral to the New Jersey Bar. The lesson of this, Readers, is that karma can be a bastard. In a recent TV interview, Habba was asked whether she would rather be pretty or smart. She replied that she would rather be pretty and that you can always fake smart. Sadly, it seems that faking smart is harder than she thought.
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This is a bumper week of Award Ceremony Red Carpets, the Golden Globes on Monday (film and TV) followed by the Primetime Emmys on Tuesday (TV only). Not so much an embarras de richesses as an embarras d’embarras. We begin our review of terrible togs with Tiktok -consultant-to-directors (yes, really) Rees Feldman wearing Balmain.
That is one hell of a chiselled jaw, but it all goes wrong from the neck down, to whit an absurd shirt resembling a chest X-ray. And just as Tommy Lee Jones’s US Marshall in The Fugitive was always fascinated when he found leg irons with no legs in them, WTF feels similarly about belt loops with no belts in them. It looks as if you have not finished getting dressed. Although in Rees’s case, he should not have started.
Next we have director Greta Gerwig (nominated for Barbie), wearing Molly Goddard.
You are up for a best director award of one of the most successful films ever in the history of ever and this is the best your stylist can come up with??? She looks like a dishevelled bed.
Meet Japanese producer Takashi Yamazaki wearing a perfectly good black tie outfit with, um, interesting accessories.
Takashi is 60 years old but he brought his toy dinosaur with him. Even WTF’s sainted seven-year-old great nephew, the Boy God, who is bonkers about dinosaurs, leaves his at home when he ventures forth. And that is not all! Clock the dinosaur-claw shoes….
A doctor writes…. this is not normal. See a psychiatrist. Stat.
This is actor Christina Ricci (nominated for Yellowjackets), wearing pervy-latex-supremo Atsudo Kudo.
Oh FFS. Enough already with the rubber sex doll look. It is bad enough on Kim Kardashian, but then looking like a sex doll is all that she has to offer. Whereas Christina has talent.
And now we have actor Ashley Madekwe, wearing Balmain.
This looks like the lovechild of a harlequin vase and leftover Christmas tinsel, and those tits are about to make a break for the border.
Here is actor Quinta Brunson (winner for Abbott Elementary), wearing Custom Dior (!!!!!).
Either Dior is taking the piss or Quinta’s stylist is taking the piss. Or Dior and Quinta’s stylist have got together in a conspiracy to make her look like she had slept in her dress the night before. What the actual fuck is going on here? Was there no iron in her luxury hotel? Could she not have used that old trick of hanging the dress up in the bathroom with the shower running on hot to steam out the creases? A shame she was not in Mumbai – she could have taken it to the giant outdoor laundry. Look at all those pink clothes hanging up at the top of the photo – they would have come back ready to wear and pristine.
Now we switch to the Emmys where we discover actor Kathryn Hahn (nominated for Tiny Beautiful Things), wearing more terrible Dior.
If Morticia Addams went to a fancy dress party as a naughty Victorian schoolmarm, this is what she would look like.
Here is actor Selena Gomez (nominated for Only Murders In The Building), wearing Oscar de la Renta.
When presented with this peekaboo thing made out of shiny purple vine leaves, Selena should have committed Murder In The Atelier. No jury on earth would convict. The lining is the wrong colour and she is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.
A newcomer to these pages, actor Ali Wong (winner of Best Actress in a Limited Series for Beef), wearing Louis Vuitton.
This is a stinker so bad so that skunks are hiding out in the furthest reaches of LA and holding their noses. The designer was clearly using up some old Cath Kidston curtain fabric and a sequinned remnant with a vividly visible zip. And she has lost her feet. Good earrings through…..
Another newcomer, actor, producer and chef Matty Matheson (winner for The Bear, in which he also appears as useless Neil) wearing …well, scroll down and see……
Sandals and socks should never be worn, ever, not even at all, and certainly not at a black tie event. He looks like the Go Compare man in the advert, but gone to seed and in a need of a hair wash.
And finally, a shocker in the form of actor Alex Borstein (nominated for The Marvelous Mrs Maisel) wearing…well, you be the judge.
Alex was marvellous (proper English spelling) as Susie in The Marvelous Mrs Maisel (terrible US spelling) but this gave WTF a bit of a turn. It is so bad that she did wonder whether Alex wore this either as a prank or for a bet. The designer has kept his or her identity silent – good call. After Carmen was murdered by Don José, she still looked better than this.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week, Don’t forget to send in your comments as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go – there was no room for it today, what with all the celebs in their silly clothes. Let us meet again next Friday. Be Good.