Hallo Readers,
Last Friday, WTF wrote about the US Government Shutdown, initiated by President Trump because he couldn’t get it up. The Wall at the Southern Border, that is. Trump spent 35 days vowing he would not cave without Congressional funding for the Wall and then at 7 pm on Friday, he caved and agreed to re-open for three weeks pending negotiations. WTF was put in mind of Byron’s Don Juan describing the eponymous hero’s seduction of Donna Julia. ‘A little still she strove and much repented, and whispering ‘I will ne’er consent…consented’.
Nobody understands what Trump is doing, but according to Sarah Sanders, his Press Secretary, God intended Donald Trump to be President. She said ‘I think God calls all of us to fill different roles at different times and I think that He wanted Donald Trump to become president. ..That’s why he’s there and I think he has done a tremendous job in supporting a lot of the things that people of faith really care about.’ And because St Donald the Pure has appointed pro-Life judges and attacked birth control organisations, people of faith (Christians) are willing to overlook his faults. But what’s in it for God?
We know the Lord is forgiving, but He seems to be content for Trump to flout his Handbook altogether. Trump is an adulterer, (Hebrews 13:4 ‘Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled.’.) Adultery goes with lust ( Galatians 5: 16 ‘..you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.’) He claims to weigh 236 lbs (but that’s just his head), although he is obese, existing on a dirt of congealed fats (Ezekiel 16:49 – ‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy’). He hates spending his own money (Hebrews 13.3 “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have’). He spends hours watching TV rather than working (Proverbs 6:6 “Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise.”). He constantly loses his temper and hits back at people (Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God.’). He envies others (genuinely) richer than him (Proverbs 14:30, ‘..envy is rottenness to the bones.’). He believes that he is smarter than everyone (Jeremiah 9:23-24, “…Let not the mighty man boast of his might…but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me…”) And of course, he is a compulsive liar (Proverbs 21:22 ‘The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy’.)
If the Good Lord did decide that Donald was His man, He must have either have a very warped sense of humour or He was feeling particularly pissed off with humanity. To be frank, WTF would rather He had rained down a few plagues, even the frogs and the locust, rather than visit Trumpy upon us, but, as we are regularly reminded, the Good Lord moves in mysterious ways. And none more mysterious than this…..
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We start our review of the week’s sartorial cesspit at the Screen Actor’s Guild Awards (the SAGs) in Hollywood and actor Michael B. Jordan, wearing Louis Vuitton.
The suit fits him like a glove, but the leather floral kiddie-harness is preposterous. Timothee Chalamet wore a black sparkly one, and now this. Should you wish to reproduce this at home, remove the straps from a floral backpack, discard the backpack, wear the straps across your chest and save yourself a fortune. But you will still look like a prat.
WTF has never seen GLOW, a show about lady wrestlers, but its quartet of its leading ladies wore some dreadful clothes on the Red Carpet. First up, we have Kate Nash, wearing Manish Arora.
Mary Poppins does bondage.
Second is Alison Brie, wearing Miu Miu.
WTF is wrestling with this for a number of reasons. Alison looks like the lovechild of a cockroach and the Angel of Death, while those wings take up lots of room. Unless Alison was sitting in aisle seat, two people had to spend the whole ceremony getting poked in the eye every time she moved. Stand by for legal action….
Third, we have Kimmy Gatewood wearing Nathaniel Paul.
Nathaniel is taking the piss. A bodice goes under a blouse, not over it. And save for the flashes of white and the red lippy, Kimmy’s hair, face and dress are all the same colour, making her resemble a perambulating peach.
And finally, we have Marianna Palka wearing Madame Adassa, this time at an After Party.
Sadly, Marianna is putting the sag into SAG and has substituted a flowery minge mask for a pair of panties. These felonies are compounded by pink bedroom mules, blue-bandaged arms, and an orange spray tan of which Donald Trump would be proud.
Casey Thomas Brown from The Kominsky Method.
This Harry Potter-inspired getup looks like it came straight from the school drama cupboard, but WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the wonky bow tie, something she hates almost above all things, and what appear to be a pair of walking boots.
The lovely Lupita Nyong’o, wearing Vera Wang.
Lupita! What on earth did you say to your stylist to piss him or her off? This is essentially a corset with coat-sleeves and some leftover Christmas lights worn as a skirt. You had better apologise PDQ or Heaven knows what he or she she will pick out for your Oscar outfit.
Angela Bassett wearing Georges Chakra.
Angela has come dressed as a titsy tea cosy.
Anthony Ramos wearing David Hart.
This is a truly terrible suit, like those luminous planets you put on kiddies’ bedroom ceilings which glow in the dark. WTF’s adored great nephew has some, but he is two. The aforesaid suit also has enormous lapels and too short trousers, and poor Anthony is also wearing brown shoes and the world’s biggest bow tie, like a pair of foxes’ ears worn as a hunting trophy.
Away from the SGAs, we have Bollywood star Ranveer Singh wearing something quite mind boggling.
Ranveer is a very cool dude but no one, not even him, can carry off head to ankle leopardskin and golden bootees.
And finally, we find ourselves at Paris Fashion Week where we encounter singer Celine Dion, wearing Alexandre Vauthier.
Donald Trump could take those shoulders and use them for his Wall, or barrier, or whatever he wants to call it this week, but the real horror is the sheer tit bandage displaying a great deal of distressingly bony chest.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF of Islington who has got the dead raving needle about lack of gym etiquette, to be summarised as follows.
* Tossers sitting at machines, not huffing and puffing as per the supposed programme, but reading or sending emails and texts.
*Tossers speaking loudly on the phone whilst exercising, especially on a bluetooth or, even worse, with the loudspeaker on.
*Tossers with headphones singing along loudly but tunelessly in unexpected and unnerving bursts, like Ozzie Osbourne with croup.
*Tossers emitting loud grunting noises like a hippo giving birth, just to show everyone else how hard they are working.
*Tossers in the pool doing backstroke at 1 mph and causing a mini tsunami.
It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending your splendid comments as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x